Day 100
The Internet issue has been solved…at last.
I worked late into the evening checking every conceivable connection and piece of hardware. I made numerous calls to the service provider and was assured there was nothing wrong with the link. Eventually, after speaking with the same person for the fifth time, I finally came to the realisation that whatever was wrong must be something to do with the computer. The person on the telephone help desk was clearly delighted with this as she was literally pleading with me not to call again.
By using the ‘troubleshooter’ facility on the laptop I eventually discovered the “work on line” facility had been clicked to “work off line”.
Now, I know I didn’t do it as I haven’t been that drunk for a while, it couldn’t have been mother-in-law as she doesn’t know how to switch a computer on, Mrs. Snowman was at work so it wasn’t her and there was no sick or semi-digested food on the keyboard so it wasn’t Small Child. I later discovered that Surrogate Daughter had exactly the same problem on her new computer so I didn’t need to call in the services of Scotland Yard to find the culprit.
Later in the day she sheepishly asked me if I would look at her machine as she couldn’t get web access. I tapped a few keys in a charade of diligent concentration and then told her I couldn’t help.
I’ll let her simmer for a couple of days and rectify it while she’s asleep.
While waiting for my games to start, I had another stab at the strip poker that I was so useless at yesterday. Luckily, the video model doesn’t put extra clothes on, as she’d be looking like the Michelin man after ten minutes.
As there was little chance of me seeing any form of nudity I surfed the web for a while to find an alternative game at which I might be successful. It didn’t take long before I stumbled upon the perfect site.
It’s an animated cartoon game where a yeti uses a baseball bat to hit penguins across an ice field. The greater the distance you can hit the penguin, the more points you get…and I’m brilliant at it!
Time after time I had birds whizzing through the air before bumping along past the previous best mark. Obviously it won’t replace poker as there is even less chance I can make any money from it than I can at the tables but it’s still a great way to spend an hour or two.
The other game I had a go at I was less successful but I enjoyed the graphics. It was another animated affair where the players use a catapult to fling cow shit into a circular target. I might have improved if I’d stayed on the site long enough but it reminded too much of Mrs. Snowman’s stews.
As I was once more ‘webbed-up’ I was able to attack the poker tables again, and even though I started later than usual I still managed to create an aura of havoc at both games I played. The first was a $1.10 event with enough players to fill a sports stadium. Surprising myself, I managed to get to the first break in a relatively good position with only slightly less chips than the average. There were still 5,000 players left when I found myself holding 10-J suited in the small blind. A few folds with just one caller persuaded me to make the standard raise and both big blind and the remaining player called. Two clubs on the flop ensured a pot sized raise and I found myself doing that most stupid of things…chasing. Needless to say I landed on my arse and was eliminated a few moments later.
The next disaster was an $11.00 event that had a huge payout where more than 300 players would find their balances increased dramatically…but not me.
I made it through the first section with a decent stack before I once more found myself with a big suited Ace and…chasing a flush. It resulted in the same outcome and I saw my investment float through the ether and into someone else’s bank.
I need to find one of those shows that take old wrecks and transform them into something stunning…
Pimp My Poker.
There’s one other piece of particularly sad news that I have to report.
The cat died today.
My life might be a little calmer but I’m going to miss her.
I buried her under a tree in the back garden with one of her toys and said goodbye.
It’s a quiet and peaceful spot where the buds are just starting to blossom and beautiful purple flowers grow around its roots in the spring.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $6.23
I worked late into the evening checking every conceivable connection and piece of hardware. I made numerous calls to the service provider and was assured there was nothing wrong with the link. Eventually, after speaking with the same person for the fifth time, I finally came to the realisation that whatever was wrong must be something to do with the computer. The person on the telephone help desk was clearly delighted with this as she was literally pleading with me not to call again.
By using the ‘troubleshooter’ facility on the laptop I eventually discovered the “work on line” facility had been clicked to “work off line”.
Now, I know I didn’t do it as I haven’t been that drunk for a while, it couldn’t have been mother-in-law as she doesn’t know how to switch a computer on, Mrs. Snowman was at work so it wasn’t her and there was no sick or semi-digested food on the keyboard so it wasn’t Small Child. I later discovered that Surrogate Daughter had exactly the same problem on her new computer so I didn’t need to call in the services of Scotland Yard to find the culprit.
Later in the day she sheepishly asked me if I would look at her machine as she couldn’t get web access. I tapped a few keys in a charade of diligent concentration and then told her I couldn’t help.
I’ll let her simmer for a couple of days and rectify it while she’s asleep.
While waiting for my games to start, I had another stab at the strip poker that I was so useless at yesterday. Luckily, the video model doesn’t put extra clothes on, as she’d be looking like the Michelin man after ten minutes.
As there was little chance of me seeing any form of nudity I surfed the web for a while to find an alternative game at which I might be successful. It didn’t take long before I stumbled upon the perfect site.
It’s an animated cartoon game where a yeti uses a baseball bat to hit penguins across an ice field. The greater the distance you can hit the penguin, the more points you get…and I’m brilliant at it!
Time after time I had birds whizzing through the air before bumping along past the previous best mark. Obviously it won’t replace poker as there is even less chance I can make any money from it than I can at the tables but it’s still a great way to spend an hour or two.
The other game I had a go at I was less successful but I enjoyed the graphics. It was another animated affair where the players use a catapult to fling cow shit into a circular target. I might have improved if I’d stayed on the site long enough but it reminded too much of Mrs. Snowman’s stews.
As I was once more ‘webbed-up’ I was able to attack the poker tables again, and even though I started later than usual I still managed to create an aura of havoc at both games I played. The first was a $1.10 event with enough players to fill a sports stadium. Surprising myself, I managed to get to the first break in a relatively good position with only slightly less chips than the average. There were still 5,000 players left when I found myself holding 10-J suited in the small blind. A few folds with just one caller persuaded me to make the standard raise and both big blind and the remaining player called. Two clubs on the flop ensured a pot sized raise and I found myself doing that most stupid of things…chasing. Needless to say I landed on my arse and was eliminated a few moments later.
The next disaster was an $11.00 event that had a huge payout where more than 300 players would find their balances increased dramatically…but not me.
I made it through the first section with a decent stack before I once more found myself with a big suited Ace and…chasing a flush. It resulted in the same outcome and I saw my investment float through the ether and into someone else’s bank.
I need to find one of those shows that take old wrecks and transform them into something stunning…
Pimp My Poker.
There’s one other piece of particularly sad news that I have to report.
The cat died today.
My life might be a little calmer but I’m going to miss her.
I buried her under a tree in the back garden with one of her toys and said goodbye.
It’s a quiet and peaceful spot where the buds are just starting to blossom and beautiful purple flowers grow around its roots in the spring.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $6.23