Day 102
The music of triumphant orchestral overtures resound across the land, church bells ring in peels of celebration and angelic hosts sing Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus”.
Did I win the lottery or beat every other player in a high stakes poker tournament?
Nope…something far, far more wonderful has happened.
Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice!
Following yesterday’s disclosure of her developing illness (and my temporary sleeping arrangement) those marvelous little flu germs have pitched their tents in her throat and rendered her incapable of speech.
When she came downstairs this morning to rouse me from my unusually peaceful sleep she tried to talk and a low croaky noise came out that sounded like Teddy Pendergrass on mescaline.
I’ve no idea what she said for two reasons; firstly I would have needed one of those universal translators that Lieutenant Uhura used on Star Trek when she was trying to negotiate the release of Captain Kirk from a blue alien sponge, and secondly I’d fallen off the sofa because I was laughing so much.
Her limbs were unaffected by the virus and were still functioning perfectly, which was confirmed by a slap across my buttocks but the pain rolled through me unnoticed.
In fact, I shall write it again because it feels so good as my fingers skip lightly across the keyboard.
Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice.
Ahhhhhhhh.
Damn that was good…I need to go and lie down with a cigarette after that.
I apologized for my outburst and after composing myself asked her if there was anything she needed.
Although there was a grain of compassion hidden away somewhere in the question, I really wanted to hear her trying to talk again.
This time I retained my self-control.
Mind you, the only way I prevented another outburst was to bite myself extremely hard, thereby muffling a potentially life-threatening laugh.
I’ve still got the teeth marks in my forearm to prove it.
And so the day was quieter than usual.
I still had the screams of Small Child coupled with the continual chatter of mother-in-law and Surrogate Daughter to contend with but it was at least twenty-five percent more silent than usual.
On one occasion in the afternoon, Mrs. Snowman requested I get her something to eat (with the help of some impressive ad hoc sign language) and I trotted off to the kitchen. I’m sure with a very sore throat she was expecting something like ice cream or maybe a strawberry mousse that would slide down easily without causing any further discomfort.
With hindsight it probably wasn’t my finest moment when I came back with half a box of corn flakes and a packet of dry roasted peanuts.
Even though she couldn’t respond verbally, she has perfected a scary new glare.
I must be honest; the poker was a secondary consideration today but I still managed to enter a couple of tournaments. A $2.20 event saw me hang on like a limpet mine to a Greenpeace research ship and I scraped into the money earning just over $6. With the win under my belt I decided to hunt bigger fish and entered another $2.20 but this time it was another satellite for the Sunday $100.000 tournament. Very much like my previous efforts in a qualifier, I lasted until the requisite number of players were left and easily qualified. The $6.60 one I tried an hour later was considerably less successful and I crashed out with pocket Kings. Although the funds have dwindled to virtually nothing, I still have a shot at a huge payout tomorrow. I can only hope the other players either don’t show up or are so drunk they can’t manipulate their mouse correctly.
You all know that I’m not the most spiritual person in the World but even if the poker gods weren’t showering me with good fortune, nature has certainly been good to me today. You probably won’t find me dancing around a totem pole or booking a prolonged stay in a Tibetan monastery but, even if it’s only for a few days, there is still a glimmer of serenity in my life.
I might even go and hug a tree or two.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $2.46
Did I win the lottery or beat every other player in a high stakes poker tournament?
Nope…something far, far more wonderful has happened.
Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice!
Following yesterday’s disclosure of her developing illness (and my temporary sleeping arrangement) those marvelous little flu germs have pitched their tents in her throat and rendered her incapable of speech.
When she came downstairs this morning to rouse me from my unusually peaceful sleep she tried to talk and a low croaky noise came out that sounded like Teddy Pendergrass on mescaline.
I’ve no idea what she said for two reasons; firstly I would have needed one of those universal translators that Lieutenant Uhura used on Star Trek when she was trying to negotiate the release of Captain Kirk from a blue alien sponge, and secondly I’d fallen off the sofa because I was laughing so much.
Her limbs were unaffected by the virus and were still functioning perfectly, which was confirmed by a slap across my buttocks but the pain rolled through me unnoticed.
In fact, I shall write it again because it feels so good as my fingers skip lightly across the keyboard.
Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice.
Ahhhhhhhh.
Damn that was good…I need to go and lie down with a cigarette after that.
I apologized for my outburst and after composing myself asked her if there was anything she needed.
Although there was a grain of compassion hidden away somewhere in the question, I really wanted to hear her trying to talk again.
This time I retained my self-control.
Mind you, the only way I prevented another outburst was to bite myself extremely hard, thereby muffling a potentially life-threatening laugh.
I’ve still got the teeth marks in my forearm to prove it.
And so the day was quieter than usual.
I still had the screams of Small Child coupled with the continual chatter of mother-in-law and Surrogate Daughter to contend with but it was at least twenty-five percent more silent than usual.
On one occasion in the afternoon, Mrs. Snowman requested I get her something to eat (with the help of some impressive ad hoc sign language) and I trotted off to the kitchen. I’m sure with a very sore throat she was expecting something like ice cream or maybe a strawberry mousse that would slide down easily without causing any further discomfort.
With hindsight it probably wasn’t my finest moment when I came back with half a box of corn flakes and a packet of dry roasted peanuts.
Even though she couldn’t respond verbally, she has perfected a scary new glare.
I must be honest; the poker was a secondary consideration today but I still managed to enter a couple of tournaments. A $2.20 event saw me hang on like a limpet mine to a Greenpeace research ship and I scraped into the money earning just over $6. With the win under my belt I decided to hunt bigger fish and entered another $2.20 but this time it was another satellite for the Sunday $100.000 tournament. Very much like my previous efforts in a qualifier, I lasted until the requisite number of players were left and easily qualified. The $6.60 one I tried an hour later was considerably less successful and I crashed out with pocket Kings. Although the funds have dwindled to virtually nothing, I still have a shot at a huge payout tomorrow. I can only hope the other players either don’t show up or are so drunk they can’t manipulate their mouse correctly.
You all know that I’m not the most spiritual person in the World but even if the poker gods weren’t showering me with good fortune, nature has certainly been good to me today. You probably won’t find me dancing around a totem pole or booking a prolonged stay in a Tibetan monastery but, even if it’s only for a few days, there is still a glimmer of serenity in my life.
I might even go and hug a tree or two.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $2.46