Day 104
You may think that after several recent decorating disasters for which I’ve been responsible, mother-in-law wouldn’t let me near a paintbrush or a screwdriver for the next twenty years. However, for some strange reason known only to herself (and more than likely, the voices in her head) I was asked to perform some minor repair work in the bathroom.
I don’t refer to the bath panel, light cord or radiator switch that Surrogate Daughter has managed to break but rather a small piece of home improvement that was required; and I use the word “improvement” in its loosest possible term.
Whoever decorated and fitted the bathroom prior to our arrival made an even worse job of it than I could and, not to put too fine a point on it, fucked it up completely.
There is vertical wood paneling on each wall, very much in the style of a Scandinavian sauna but whoever put it up neglected to make an aperture for the ventilation. The result is a huge amount of condensation making the area even more like a sauna than is strictly necessary whenever the shower is turned on.
In a breathtaking display of misguided optimism, mother-in-law decided I was the ideal person to find out where the original hole was and then create a new one for a ventilator to be fitted.
Armed with a drill, hammer, saw and tape measure I trudged up stairs and tried to figure out where I should start. I’d already taken a look from outside and discovered an air-brick a couple of feet from the bathroom window. Assuming this to be the thing that had to be lined up from the inside, I estimated a measurement and went to work.
I drilled four holes in the wood panels and started to saw out a square hole.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that half way through this exercise it became obvious that the hole was not going to line-up with the one outside.
To cut a long story short, I got it right on the third attempt but rather than a beautifully crafted square opening there was a multi-faceted hole that looked like it had been cut by a drunken blind carpenter on acid.
A quick trip to the local hardware store secured some brand new wood panels and three hours later they were secured to the wall with a hole in the correct place. You may think this was a minor victory for Yours Truly but as usual I tried to take a short cut that ended less than favorably.
As the vent was located directly above the lavatory, I figured it would be easier to stand on the toilet seat and create havoc rather than using a ladder or set of steps where I would need to lean over at a dangerous angle. It probably was, but what I failed to take into account was that plastic toilet seats only support the weight of a fully-grown adult when they’re used as a seat and not stood on.
It broke about two seconds after I stood on it.
A second trip to the store was required to get a new lavatory seat.
Luckily the previous user had flushed it (not always a certainty with Surrogate Daughter) and other than a wet shoe and trouser leg there was no further damage.
Thankfully.
As luck would have it, my sponsor is due to top-up the poker account in the next four or five days, which is useful as I’m more or less down to zero after today’s other disaster that took place on the poker tables.
As you may have surmised, I’ve been focusing my efforts on tournaments rather than sit and go tables as I figured the potential returns are far higher. The negative side of this being that I have to finish in front of several thousand other players in order to get any money.
This is especially difficult in small-staked tournaments as it’s a breeding ground for donkeys and lunatics. For example: a tournament today with 12,000 entrants paid only the top 99; I bobbed and weaved my way to around 80,000 chips and looked set to finish well within the cash. The three hands that crippled me were A-K suited (lost to J-7 off), Q-Q (lost to Q-2) and A-J (unbelievably lost to 7-2 off) all to the same player and all within five hands.
When I’m topped up I have another plan to defeat these maniacs.
Watch this space.
Even though today has been littered with things I’d rather forget, there was one tiny victory for the forces of good.
Surrogate Daughter was feeding Small Child with some kind of revolting mashed up goo for her dinner and it was obvious from its body language that it didn’t have the most delightful taste. After a few attempts to jerk its head out of the way to avoid the spoon reaching its lips, it finally got a mouthful and responded by vomiting the stuff straight back…all over Surrogate Daughter’s head.
It was so funny I was I even prepared to put up with the smell.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.18
I don’t refer to the bath panel, light cord or radiator switch that Surrogate Daughter has managed to break but rather a small piece of home improvement that was required; and I use the word “improvement” in its loosest possible term.
Whoever decorated and fitted the bathroom prior to our arrival made an even worse job of it than I could and, not to put too fine a point on it, fucked it up completely.
There is vertical wood paneling on each wall, very much in the style of a Scandinavian sauna but whoever put it up neglected to make an aperture for the ventilation. The result is a huge amount of condensation making the area even more like a sauna than is strictly necessary whenever the shower is turned on.
In a breathtaking display of misguided optimism, mother-in-law decided I was the ideal person to find out where the original hole was and then create a new one for a ventilator to be fitted.
Armed with a drill, hammer, saw and tape measure I trudged up stairs and tried to figure out where I should start. I’d already taken a look from outside and discovered an air-brick a couple of feet from the bathroom window. Assuming this to be the thing that had to be lined up from the inside, I estimated a measurement and went to work.
I drilled four holes in the wood panels and started to saw out a square hole.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that half way through this exercise it became obvious that the hole was not going to line-up with the one outside.
To cut a long story short, I got it right on the third attempt but rather than a beautifully crafted square opening there was a multi-faceted hole that looked like it had been cut by a drunken blind carpenter on acid.
A quick trip to the local hardware store secured some brand new wood panels and three hours later they were secured to the wall with a hole in the correct place. You may think this was a minor victory for Yours Truly but as usual I tried to take a short cut that ended less than favorably.
As the vent was located directly above the lavatory, I figured it would be easier to stand on the toilet seat and create havoc rather than using a ladder or set of steps where I would need to lean over at a dangerous angle. It probably was, but what I failed to take into account was that plastic toilet seats only support the weight of a fully-grown adult when they’re used as a seat and not stood on.
It broke about two seconds after I stood on it.
A second trip to the store was required to get a new lavatory seat.
Luckily the previous user had flushed it (not always a certainty with Surrogate Daughter) and other than a wet shoe and trouser leg there was no further damage.
Thankfully.
As luck would have it, my sponsor is due to top-up the poker account in the next four or five days, which is useful as I’m more or less down to zero after today’s other disaster that took place on the poker tables.
As you may have surmised, I’ve been focusing my efforts on tournaments rather than sit and go tables as I figured the potential returns are far higher. The negative side of this being that I have to finish in front of several thousand other players in order to get any money.
This is especially difficult in small-staked tournaments as it’s a breeding ground for donkeys and lunatics. For example: a tournament today with 12,000 entrants paid only the top 99; I bobbed and weaved my way to around 80,000 chips and looked set to finish well within the cash. The three hands that crippled me were A-K suited (lost to J-7 off), Q-Q (lost to Q-2) and A-J (unbelievably lost to 7-2 off) all to the same player and all within five hands.
When I’m topped up I have another plan to defeat these maniacs.
Watch this space.
Even though today has been littered with things I’d rather forget, there was one tiny victory for the forces of good.
Surrogate Daughter was feeding Small Child with some kind of revolting mashed up goo for her dinner and it was obvious from its body language that it didn’t have the most delightful taste. After a few attempts to jerk its head out of the way to avoid the spoon reaching its lips, it finally got a mouthful and responded by vomiting the stuff straight back…all over Surrogate Daughter’s head.
It was so funny I was I even prepared to put up with the smell.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.18