Day 117
Somehow I managed to collect my brother-in-law from the airport.
As Mrs. Snowman took the day off work and insisted on coming with me, this was an achievement on more than one front.
She pointed out that I had the option of allowing her to drive if my back was hurting too much. Even though I appreciated her concern, my back would have to become separated from the rest of my body before I inflicted that particular torture on myself.
It was bad enough that she was a passenger.
I don’t consider this to be a sexist attitude but one that stems entirely from self-preservation as anything more than twenty minutes in such a situation could easily result in one of us killing the other one.
I made the mistake of being in the same vehicle when she was driving soon after we met.
Never again.
A listed commentary of what she did during the journey should explain it fully.
Distance to destination: 20 miles
Estimated time to destination: 30 minutes
1. Get in car
2. Adjust seat
3. Apply make-up in rear-view mirror
4. Adjust rear-view mirror
5. Fiddle around in handbag to find cigarettes
6. Start engine
7. Re-adjust rear-view mirror
8. Light cigarette
9. Re-adjust seat
10. Put car into reverse gear
11. Rev engine
12. Stall engine
13. Re-start engine
14. Reverse car
15. Manoeuvre car forward again
16-37. Repeat previous two actions
38. Take off hand brake
39. Narrowly avoid reversing into oncoming vehicle
40. Set off for journey
41. Park car 10 yards from front gate to re-adjust rear-view mirror.
Distance travelled: 17 yards
Duration: 15 minutes
Already I wished I’d brought a false beard and wig to put on in case anyone I knew saw me in the car but I just had to grin and bear it. I just put on a pair of sunglasses, rested my elbow against the window and surreptitiously covered my face with my hand. Eventually we managed to get going.
Newly calibrated distance to destination: 19 miles 1743 yards
Newly estimated time to destination: 2-3 years
42. Announce intention to take short cut
43. Turn off from correct route and travel 14 miles in wrong direction
44. Stop car to check map
45. Study map
46. Continue studying map
47. Turn to correct page
48. Turn map right way up
49. Return to original location from de-tour
50. Take wrong turning
51. Accuse AA of printing incorrect map
52. Return home from a completely different bearing
We never got to where we were supposed to be going but the lesson proved to be invaluable. To this day I’m being advised to take “short-cuts”, drive more slowly (or faster depending on incorrect situations) or drive the wrong way up one-way streets.
Working on the same theme I shall tell you about today’s poker.
1. Start game
2. Make stupid decision
3. Get eliminated from game
For details of the second tournament: see above. ($2.20 down the toilet).
To complete today’s entry, we picked up my brother-in-law without incident other than the occasional yelp when I turned the steering wheel to vigorously and twisted my back.
Mrs. Snowman still managed to offer her directional skills every three miles or so but Kula Shaka at full blast ensured I only saw her lips moving without actually hearing anything.
Now, if only I can figure out a way of achieving the same reaction from the mother-in-law…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $2.18
As Mrs. Snowman took the day off work and insisted on coming with me, this was an achievement on more than one front.
She pointed out that I had the option of allowing her to drive if my back was hurting too much. Even though I appreciated her concern, my back would have to become separated from the rest of my body before I inflicted that particular torture on myself.
It was bad enough that she was a passenger.
I don’t consider this to be a sexist attitude but one that stems entirely from self-preservation as anything more than twenty minutes in such a situation could easily result in one of us killing the other one.
I made the mistake of being in the same vehicle when she was driving soon after we met.
Never again.
A listed commentary of what she did during the journey should explain it fully.
Distance to destination: 20 miles
Estimated time to destination: 30 minutes
1. Get in car
2. Adjust seat
3. Apply make-up in rear-view mirror
4. Adjust rear-view mirror
5. Fiddle around in handbag to find cigarettes
6. Start engine
7. Re-adjust rear-view mirror
8. Light cigarette
9. Re-adjust seat
10. Put car into reverse gear
11. Rev engine
12. Stall engine
13. Re-start engine
14. Reverse car
15. Manoeuvre car forward again
16-37. Repeat previous two actions
38. Take off hand brake
39. Narrowly avoid reversing into oncoming vehicle
40. Set off for journey
41. Park car 10 yards from front gate to re-adjust rear-view mirror.
Distance travelled: 17 yards
Duration: 15 minutes
Already I wished I’d brought a false beard and wig to put on in case anyone I knew saw me in the car but I just had to grin and bear it. I just put on a pair of sunglasses, rested my elbow against the window and surreptitiously covered my face with my hand. Eventually we managed to get going.
Newly calibrated distance to destination: 19 miles 1743 yards
Newly estimated time to destination: 2-3 years
42. Announce intention to take short cut
43. Turn off from correct route and travel 14 miles in wrong direction
44. Stop car to check map
45. Study map
46. Continue studying map
47. Turn to correct page
48. Turn map right way up
49. Return to original location from de-tour
50. Take wrong turning
51. Accuse AA of printing incorrect map
52. Return home from a completely different bearing
We never got to where we were supposed to be going but the lesson proved to be invaluable. To this day I’m being advised to take “short-cuts”, drive more slowly (or faster depending on incorrect situations) or drive the wrong way up one-way streets.
Working on the same theme I shall tell you about today’s poker.
1. Start game
2. Make stupid decision
3. Get eliminated from game
For details of the second tournament: see above. ($2.20 down the toilet).
To complete today’s entry, we picked up my brother-in-law without incident other than the occasional yelp when I turned the steering wheel to vigorously and twisted my back.
Mrs. Snowman still managed to offer her directional skills every three miles or so but Kula Shaka at full blast ensured I only saw her lips moving without actually hearing anything.
Now, if only I can figure out a way of achieving the same reaction from the mother-in-law…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $2.18
