Day 121
You won’t be surprised to hear that waiting for me in my mailbox this morning were several e-mails from members of the medical profession.
Following my foray into hospitalisation statistics a couple of days ago some of you have forwarded some interesting (and truly revolting) personal experiences obtained from treating a variety of unfortunate and rather odd people.
Much as I would like to share these little gems with the rest of you, I don’t think you’d really want to know a detailed description of the assorted objects that were removed from the rectums of some particularly adventurous individuals.
In response to the Californian doctor (you know who you are), yes…I can easily imagine what the cucumber was being used for but the watermelon brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
Anyway, before I swim too deeply into the murky waters of sexual depravity, I should lift my head above the waves and return to the events of the day.
After an unusually long sleep (six hours), I wandered downstairs to find the house blissfully silent. The current Mrs. Snowman and mother-in law were both at work and Surrogate Daughter had taken the puke machine to the shops. I grabbed myself a quick glass of fruit juice, caught the morning news on the television and went back up to throw some clothes on.
My magazine articles had been completed the previous night so I decided to get some lunch at the local pub. I wandered there with a spring in my step and the sun shining all around me. However, when I got within five yards of the entrance a huge cloud filled my day with darkness.
There was a notice taped to the door that made my heart miss a couple of beats and I had to steady myself against the wall:
“Closed for refurbishment”
I walked back home in a daze.
I tell you this for no other reason than there are times when it’s perfectly reasonable for a grown man to cry in public.
The Southern Comfort took a hammering when I got back.
Good news on the poker front…kind of.
As my account is still hovering around zero I once more had to battle against the donkeys in a freeroll tournament. 12,000 entrants registered for the satellite game where just 99 would progress to the money event and I must say things went quite well.
I knew I was in for a good night when the first hand I got was A-A and I trebled up.
I played very tightly and gradually increased my stack to about 20,000. Donks were falling all around me and the playing standard increased immeasurably.
However, even though my stack was slowly moving in the right direction, this is not the main cause of my delight.
I’d increased to about 60,000 when I got A-10 of Spades. The flop came down K Spades, Q Spades and J Clubs. I called the raise and made the flush with 8 Spades on the turn.
And the river?
The Jack of Spades, I could scarcely believe my eyes.
A Royal Flush!
To make things even better, my opponent went all-in, I doubled up and qualified for the cash tournament.
As there was no way I could top that, I closed the poker program for the evening and celebrated with…a large Southern Comfort.
Or two.
So, today ended on an extremely positive note, not because of the cards but because the mother-in-law has confirmed she will not be coming on holiday with us in eight days time.
For the second time today, I cried, although this one saw tears of delight drip down my face.
If I wake up tomorrow morning and find Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice again, my life will be complete.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.48
Following my foray into hospitalisation statistics a couple of days ago some of you have forwarded some interesting (and truly revolting) personal experiences obtained from treating a variety of unfortunate and rather odd people.
Much as I would like to share these little gems with the rest of you, I don’t think you’d really want to know a detailed description of the assorted objects that were removed from the rectums of some particularly adventurous individuals.
In response to the Californian doctor (you know who you are), yes…I can easily imagine what the cucumber was being used for but the watermelon brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
Anyway, before I swim too deeply into the murky waters of sexual depravity, I should lift my head above the waves and return to the events of the day.
After an unusually long sleep (six hours), I wandered downstairs to find the house blissfully silent. The current Mrs. Snowman and mother-in law were both at work and Surrogate Daughter had taken the puke machine to the shops. I grabbed myself a quick glass of fruit juice, caught the morning news on the television and went back up to throw some clothes on.
My magazine articles had been completed the previous night so I decided to get some lunch at the local pub. I wandered there with a spring in my step and the sun shining all around me. However, when I got within five yards of the entrance a huge cloud filled my day with darkness.
There was a notice taped to the door that made my heart miss a couple of beats and I had to steady myself against the wall:
“Closed for refurbishment”
I walked back home in a daze.
I tell you this for no other reason than there are times when it’s perfectly reasonable for a grown man to cry in public.
The Southern Comfort took a hammering when I got back.
Good news on the poker front…kind of.
As my account is still hovering around zero I once more had to battle against the donkeys in a freeroll tournament. 12,000 entrants registered for the satellite game where just 99 would progress to the money event and I must say things went quite well.
I knew I was in for a good night when the first hand I got was A-A and I trebled up.
I played very tightly and gradually increased my stack to about 20,000. Donks were falling all around me and the playing standard increased immeasurably.
However, even though my stack was slowly moving in the right direction, this is not the main cause of my delight.
I’d increased to about 60,000 when I got A-10 of Spades. The flop came down K Spades, Q Spades and J Clubs. I called the raise and made the flush with 8 Spades on the turn.
And the river?
The Jack of Spades, I could scarcely believe my eyes.
A Royal Flush!
To make things even better, my opponent went all-in, I doubled up and qualified for the cash tournament.
As there was no way I could top that, I closed the poker program for the evening and celebrated with…a large Southern Comfort.
Or two.
So, today ended on an extremely positive note, not because of the cards but because the mother-in-law has confirmed she will not be coming on holiday with us in eight days time.
For the second time today, I cried, although this one saw tears of delight drip down my face.
If I wake up tomorrow morning and find Mrs. Snowman has lost her voice again, my life will be complete.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.48