Day 125
Today has been quite relaxing.
The first reason for this was that the current Mrs. Snowman took Small Child and Surrogate Daughter to a “Car Boot Sale”.
I believe in America they’re called “Swap Meets” whilst in other parts of the World they’re simply known as “Selling Junk”.
I’ve never really understood these things.
From what I can gather, people drive to a field, set up a wallpaper pasting table, cover it with all the crap from their houses they want to get rid of and stand around for a few hours while other people buy it.
Mrs. Snowman was under strict instructions not to purchase anything more offensive than a can of Coke although I wasn’t hopeful she would adhere to this plea with complete diligence.
Last time she attended such an event she came back with a pirate DVD that didn’t work, a torch with its bulb missing and a “genuine” bottle of Chanel No.5 that smelt like it had been manufactured in a chemical weapons laboratory. Either that or the bottling plant in Italy was lacing their usual product with used lavatory paper.
However, the overriding consideration that I would have a quiet Sunday morning pushed such considerations to the sidelines.
Having taken a nice long shower and got dressed without a soundtrack of vomiting and screeching, I grabbed a bowl of cereal and found a brilliant performance of ‘Lohengrin’ on the Arts Channel.
There’s nothing like a few hours of Wagner to fortify ones spirit.
I was ready for containers of fake perfume; dodgy DVD’s and associated trash.
It was certainly needed when the females finally got home and, although the usual screaming and shouting washed over me, the inevitable purchases didn’t.
I’d like to say I was surprised when Mrs. Snowman proudly announced she was now the new owner of a plastic Pink Panther but to be honest I wasn’t.
The bar towels for the kitchen were a fairly sensible purchase even though one of them had a very fishy looking brown stain in one corner.
But I drew the line at the “air freshener” for the car.
Very much like the previously obtained counterfeit fragrance, this emitted an odor like nothing I’ve ever inhaled before. It was shaped like a little pine tree and I could only assume the intention was to evoke a sweet aroma of freshness and forests.
It smelt like dog piss.
The reason for getting the thing was understandable as Small Child is transported around in the vehicle but adding to the problem certainly wasn’t.
I’ve no idea what noxious chemical compounds are emitted from small children but I’m not taking the chance they wouldn’t react with those spread by the pine thing and create something fatal.
I was unconcerned after recently being stopped by a traffic cop but being pulled over by a UN inspection team in full biological hazard suits would be of slightly higher unease.
Even so, the second reason for today’s tranquility was the poker.
Sunday seems to have more freerolls than any other day of the week and I registered for two of them; this was in addition to the second cash tournament.
As usual, the freerolls were breeding grounds for lunatics and I found myself eliminated from both of them with calls that I wouldn’t make even if someone threatened to attack my scrotum with a live crab.
The cash tournament wasn’t much better and even though I managed to increase my stack to just over 10,000, it wasn’t long before I got over confident and called a re-raise with a pair of tens. I knew I was in trouble when an Ace and a King hit the flop and I waved goodbye with the lower pair.
There was also a little ten-cent tournament that caught my attention later in the day although we’ll skip over that one when I clicked the call button by mistake with 8-3 off suit and lost to a high card.
I only wish I could assure myself I won’t make the same mistakes again.
One other thing that I found today was another unsolicited e-mail on my computer.
Rather than offering me an interest free loan or herbal Viagra tablets, this one boldly announced that they would be delighted to offer me a breast reduction.
Two points here.
Firstly, unless I suddenly have an urge for a sex change operation they sent it to the wrong person, and secondly it was for a reduction.
If I was a woman, and other than for extreme medical reasons, I can think of no reason why I would want my tits to be smaller. Moreover, I think I can speak for every male reader of this diary with complete certainty if they were in the same position.
If I had a thumping great big pair of playful looking puppies attached to my torso I’d never get out of bed.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.38
The first reason for this was that the current Mrs. Snowman took Small Child and Surrogate Daughter to a “Car Boot Sale”.
I believe in America they’re called “Swap Meets” whilst in other parts of the World they’re simply known as “Selling Junk”.
I’ve never really understood these things.
From what I can gather, people drive to a field, set up a wallpaper pasting table, cover it with all the crap from their houses they want to get rid of and stand around for a few hours while other people buy it.
Mrs. Snowman was under strict instructions not to purchase anything more offensive than a can of Coke although I wasn’t hopeful she would adhere to this plea with complete diligence.
Last time she attended such an event she came back with a pirate DVD that didn’t work, a torch with its bulb missing and a “genuine” bottle of Chanel No.5 that smelt like it had been manufactured in a chemical weapons laboratory. Either that or the bottling plant in Italy was lacing their usual product with used lavatory paper.
However, the overriding consideration that I would have a quiet Sunday morning pushed such considerations to the sidelines.
Having taken a nice long shower and got dressed without a soundtrack of vomiting and screeching, I grabbed a bowl of cereal and found a brilliant performance of ‘Lohengrin’ on the Arts Channel.
There’s nothing like a few hours of Wagner to fortify ones spirit.
I was ready for containers of fake perfume; dodgy DVD’s and associated trash.
It was certainly needed when the females finally got home and, although the usual screaming and shouting washed over me, the inevitable purchases didn’t.
I’d like to say I was surprised when Mrs. Snowman proudly announced she was now the new owner of a plastic Pink Panther but to be honest I wasn’t.
The bar towels for the kitchen were a fairly sensible purchase even though one of them had a very fishy looking brown stain in one corner.
But I drew the line at the “air freshener” for the car.
Very much like the previously obtained counterfeit fragrance, this emitted an odor like nothing I’ve ever inhaled before. It was shaped like a little pine tree and I could only assume the intention was to evoke a sweet aroma of freshness and forests.
It smelt like dog piss.
The reason for getting the thing was understandable as Small Child is transported around in the vehicle but adding to the problem certainly wasn’t.
I’ve no idea what noxious chemical compounds are emitted from small children but I’m not taking the chance they wouldn’t react with those spread by the pine thing and create something fatal.
I was unconcerned after recently being stopped by a traffic cop but being pulled over by a UN inspection team in full biological hazard suits would be of slightly higher unease.
Even so, the second reason for today’s tranquility was the poker.
Sunday seems to have more freerolls than any other day of the week and I registered for two of them; this was in addition to the second cash tournament.
As usual, the freerolls were breeding grounds for lunatics and I found myself eliminated from both of them with calls that I wouldn’t make even if someone threatened to attack my scrotum with a live crab.
The cash tournament wasn’t much better and even though I managed to increase my stack to just over 10,000, it wasn’t long before I got over confident and called a re-raise with a pair of tens. I knew I was in trouble when an Ace and a King hit the flop and I waved goodbye with the lower pair.
There was also a little ten-cent tournament that caught my attention later in the day although we’ll skip over that one when I clicked the call button by mistake with 8-3 off suit and lost to a high card.
I only wish I could assure myself I won’t make the same mistakes again.
One other thing that I found today was another unsolicited e-mail on my computer.
Rather than offering me an interest free loan or herbal Viagra tablets, this one boldly announced that they would be delighted to offer me a breast reduction.
Two points here.
Firstly, unless I suddenly have an urge for a sex change operation they sent it to the wrong person, and secondly it was for a reduction.
If I was a woman, and other than for extreme medical reasons, I can think of no reason why I would want my tits to be smaller. Moreover, I think I can speak for every male reader of this diary with complete certainty if they were in the same position.
If I had a thumping great big pair of playful looking puppies attached to my torso I’d never get out of bed.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.38