Day 127
Did you know that hair follicles grow through the dermis and epidermis of the skin at an average rate of 0.04cm per day?
I mention this only because I have calculated it wall take approximately 112 days and 14 hours for mine to grow back to the point they were yesterday before I attacked them with a pair of decorating scissors.
In addition to my own efforts, the morning trip to the hairdressers has left me feeling like a newly sheared sheep.
Even though I’m now several pounds lighter, neither Mrs. Snowman nor the mother-in-law failed to notice any difference whatsoever.
“I thought you were getting a haircut”
“I’ve had one for God’s sake. That’s why it’s shorter than when I left”
“You’ve had a haircut? Ok, which one?”
Very droll.
To be honest, it doesn’t make me look much different and, on a positive note, I won’t have to go through the same suffering again for a while…although today did have a tiny plus point.
When I was younger, going to the barbershop was a quick and painless affair. I’d rock up, plant myself in the chair, a friendly gentleman would snip away for a few minutes and I’d leave.
Pretty much a quick and painless procedure.
Today I discovered things have moved on slightly.
Initially I thought I’d wandered into a trendy wine bar by mistake until a receptionist greeted me with a sanctimonious smile and flicked through a huge appointment book to confirm I was expected. I was then shown to a seating area with nicer furniture than I sit on at home and unwisely offered a drink.
My spirits rose at the question.
“Love one…treble Southern Comfort please”
Not surprisingly this was rejected but I did get a beer that cheered me up a bit.
Half way through it a waterproof gown was thrown around my shoulders and a very nice young lady with phenomenally large breasts pushed me backwards over a sink and gave me the most sensual hair wash I’ve ever had.
Luckily the gown covered my groin as she pointed to a chair.
“Ok, are you ready for your cut now?”
Gulp.
“Um…not just yet. Give me a couple of minutes”
I guess I should also be thankful it wasn’t cold in the salon; with my head leaning backwards at that angle, one slip and she could have had my eye out with one of her nipples.
The haircut was completed (as was a second beer) and I paid the receptionist on the way out.
Just prior to leaving, she asked me if I would like to make an appointment for another haircut in six weeks time.
I asked if I could come back and have it washed twice a week.
My new haircut and I played one freeroll and a little baby ten-cent tournament today, and to be honest I shouldn’t have bothered.
For the first tournament I tried a new tactic: I’d only bet when I had a premium hand, ie: pocket 9’s and above or A-K.
I waited three hours and didn’t even come close to getting such a hand and was eventually blinded out.
So much for that idea.
For the 10c game I reverted to my usual crap style and was eliminated even quicker. I managed to increase my stack to around 6,000 before three hands from hell depleted it to virtually nothing.
I had K-10 suited, hit two pair on the turn and lost to a straight; I then had A-J off, hit the straight and lost to a flush before finally wishing my chips a safe journey with a pair of Queens as they drifted to an opponent with trip 9’s.
Hopefully I can play some live poker on the impending holiday and learn a few tips to bring to the online tables.
Or I could just continue on my designated path as a crap player that pretends he knows what he’s doing.
Speaking of people that aren’t in any way suited to their chosen professions, we had the local elections in England today.
I’m delighted to say I have no idea what the final results were as I turned the television off well before the last ones were counted.
I simply couldn’t cope with the amount of bullshit that was being thrown at me.
How can a politician expect to be taken seriously when they’ve polled fewer votes than last time and then try to persuade everyone that it’s both a victory and a time for celebration? In other words, they do very badly and consider themselves winners.
In that case I’m declaring myself the most successful poker player in the World.
Spouting that kind of nonsense I could even run for office!
Of course, I’d have to behave like a politician first:
Easy…I’ll take some bribes, cover-up a few illegal business deals and fuck my secretary.
That should do the trick.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.28
I mention this only because I have calculated it wall take approximately 112 days and 14 hours for mine to grow back to the point they were yesterday before I attacked them with a pair of decorating scissors.
In addition to my own efforts, the morning trip to the hairdressers has left me feeling like a newly sheared sheep.
Even though I’m now several pounds lighter, neither Mrs. Snowman nor the mother-in-law failed to notice any difference whatsoever.
“I thought you were getting a haircut”
“I’ve had one for God’s sake. That’s why it’s shorter than when I left”
“You’ve had a haircut? Ok, which one?”
Very droll.
To be honest, it doesn’t make me look much different and, on a positive note, I won’t have to go through the same suffering again for a while…although today did have a tiny plus point.
When I was younger, going to the barbershop was a quick and painless affair. I’d rock up, plant myself in the chair, a friendly gentleman would snip away for a few minutes and I’d leave.
Pretty much a quick and painless procedure.
Today I discovered things have moved on slightly.
Initially I thought I’d wandered into a trendy wine bar by mistake until a receptionist greeted me with a sanctimonious smile and flicked through a huge appointment book to confirm I was expected. I was then shown to a seating area with nicer furniture than I sit on at home and unwisely offered a drink.
My spirits rose at the question.
“Love one…treble Southern Comfort please”
Not surprisingly this was rejected but I did get a beer that cheered me up a bit.
Half way through it a waterproof gown was thrown around my shoulders and a very nice young lady with phenomenally large breasts pushed me backwards over a sink and gave me the most sensual hair wash I’ve ever had.
Luckily the gown covered my groin as she pointed to a chair.
“Ok, are you ready for your cut now?”
Gulp.
“Um…not just yet. Give me a couple of minutes”
I guess I should also be thankful it wasn’t cold in the salon; with my head leaning backwards at that angle, one slip and she could have had my eye out with one of her nipples.
The haircut was completed (as was a second beer) and I paid the receptionist on the way out.
Just prior to leaving, she asked me if I would like to make an appointment for another haircut in six weeks time.
I asked if I could come back and have it washed twice a week.
My new haircut and I played one freeroll and a little baby ten-cent tournament today, and to be honest I shouldn’t have bothered.
For the first tournament I tried a new tactic: I’d only bet when I had a premium hand, ie: pocket 9’s and above or A-K.
I waited three hours and didn’t even come close to getting such a hand and was eventually blinded out.
So much for that idea.
For the 10c game I reverted to my usual crap style and was eliminated even quicker. I managed to increase my stack to around 6,000 before three hands from hell depleted it to virtually nothing.
I had K-10 suited, hit two pair on the turn and lost to a straight; I then had A-J off, hit the straight and lost to a flush before finally wishing my chips a safe journey with a pair of Queens as they drifted to an opponent with trip 9’s.
Hopefully I can play some live poker on the impending holiday and learn a few tips to bring to the online tables.
Or I could just continue on my designated path as a crap player that pretends he knows what he’s doing.
Speaking of people that aren’t in any way suited to their chosen professions, we had the local elections in England today.
I’m delighted to say I have no idea what the final results were as I turned the television off well before the last ones were counted.
I simply couldn’t cope with the amount of bullshit that was being thrown at me.
How can a politician expect to be taken seriously when they’ve polled fewer votes than last time and then try to persuade everyone that it’s both a victory and a time for celebration? In other words, they do very badly and consider themselves winners.
In that case I’m declaring myself the most successful poker player in the World.
Spouting that kind of nonsense I could even run for office!
Of course, I’d have to behave like a politician first:
Easy…I’ll take some bribes, cover-up a few illegal business deals and fuck my secretary.
That should do the trick.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.28