Day 131
Holiday - Day Three
I’ve made a discovery.
Unlike history’s foremost explorers the object of my detection won’t have any impact on generations to come, but it’s certainly going to change my immediate future. It doesn’t relate to a new species of hitherto unknown bird or a lost island kingdom off the Mediterranean shores; it’s something far more exciting…
Absinthe.
For those unaware of this wonderful concoction, I should explain.
It’s an alcoholic drink of Swiss origin that tastes like aniseed and has the effect of being kicked in the head by a horse.
Basically it’s the alcoholic equivalent of Tonya Harding…perfectly safe unless you turn your back on the bitch.
In fact, it’s so potent that several countries around the World have made the stuff illegal…and I love it.
It’s a pretty green color with an aroma of crushed peppermints and tastes lovely.
It feels completely innocent going down and then bites like buggery just before you get the intoxicating benefits.
I would imagine it’s pretty similar to getting a blowjob from a vampire.
But there’s more, apparently, if you drink enough of the stuff it has hallucinogenic properties!
I haven’t reached this stage yet as Mrs. Snowman stole the bottle from me after I’d polished off about half of it. However, I feel it would be improper of me not to give you a full report of its effects so later on today I’m going to find out.
If tomorrow’s entry contains details of midnight observations eluding to dragons dive bombing into the beach and bath towels erupting like psychedelic volcanoes you’ll know it worked, however, I might just give you a two page explanation of a hangover like a steam hammer.
We shall see.
I should also tell you of a strange phenomenon that occurred during the night.
As opposed to a large double bed, the hotel has provided two singles that have been pushed together. When I woke up this morning, one of the beds had migrated across the room and was sitting by the window.
There were no skid marks on the tiled floor so I can only assume it happened gradually over the course of the night. This means that either a playful Spanish ghost had shifted it around or Mrs. Snowman had performed a series of snores so violent that the whole bed had juddered away from mine.
If this is the case, I shall move it back and point it in the direction of the bar. I quite like the idea of waking up next to a beer tap.
Also today, the hotel offered some more revelations that they neglected to put in the brochure.
This morning there was no hot water in the bathroom. I found this out to my detriment after I’d got under the shower and turned the tap on.
There is a maid service to change bedding, towels, soap, etc, but a useful little notice by the door explains it isn’t provided on Thursdays.
They should also make an amendment that it doesn’t turn up on Sundays, Mondays or Tuesdays either. It might happen tomorrow but I’m not keeping my fingers crossed.
There is a television in the room but it doesn’t work. I told the nice young lady at reception that one of their appliances had broken and was informed that it’s fully functional but has a $70 charge before they switch it on from the main desk.
Cheap bastards.
By way of thanks I intend to leave them a deposit of an altogether different kind when we leave.
I shall have a curry the night before we go and in the morning neglect to flush the bog after sitting there for half an hour. After the water incident, I've spent a fair amount of time on it anyway so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
To my mind that would be better than any message I could leave in their comments book…and more accurate too.
To conclude today’s entry; I should let you know that I met a group of holidaymakers in the beachfront bar who were studiously sat around a table with a deck of cards in front of them. It transpired they are poker enthusiasts and have organized a game in their hotel tomorrow night.
Maybe this place isn’t so bad after all.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ I still don’t care, I’m still on holiday.
I’ve made a discovery.
Unlike history’s foremost explorers the object of my detection won’t have any impact on generations to come, but it’s certainly going to change my immediate future. It doesn’t relate to a new species of hitherto unknown bird or a lost island kingdom off the Mediterranean shores; it’s something far more exciting…
Absinthe.
For those unaware of this wonderful concoction, I should explain.
It’s an alcoholic drink of Swiss origin that tastes like aniseed and has the effect of being kicked in the head by a horse.
Basically it’s the alcoholic equivalent of Tonya Harding…perfectly safe unless you turn your back on the bitch.
In fact, it’s so potent that several countries around the World have made the stuff illegal…and I love it.
It’s a pretty green color with an aroma of crushed peppermints and tastes lovely.
It feels completely innocent going down and then bites like buggery just before you get the intoxicating benefits.
I would imagine it’s pretty similar to getting a blowjob from a vampire.
But there’s more, apparently, if you drink enough of the stuff it has hallucinogenic properties!
I haven’t reached this stage yet as Mrs. Snowman stole the bottle from me after I’d polished off about half of it. However, I feel it would be improper of me not to give you a full report of its effects so later on today I’m going to find out.
If tomorrow’s entry contains details of midnight observations eluding to dragons dive bombing into the beach and bath towels erupting like psychedelic volcanoes you’ll know it worked, however, I might just give you a two page explanation of a hangover like a steam hammer.
We shall see.
I should also tell you of a strange phenomenon that occurred during the night.
As opposed to a large double bed, the hotel has provided two singles that have been pushed together. When I woke up this morning, one of the beds had migrated across the room and was sitting by the window.
There were no skid marks on the tiled floor so I can only assume it happened gradually over the course of the night. This means that either a playful Spanish ghost had shifted it around or Mrs. Snowman had performed a series of snores so violent that the whole bed had juddered away from mine.
If this is the case, I shall move it back and point it in the direction of the bar. I quite like the idea of waking up next to a beer tap.
Also today, the hotel offered some more revelations that they neglected to put in the brochure.
This morning there was no hot water in the bathroom. I found this out to my detriment after I’d got under the shower and turned the tap on.
There is a maid service to change bedding, towels, soap, etc, but a useful little notice by the door explains it isn’t provided on Thursdays.
They should also make an amendment that it doesn’t turn up on Sundays, Mondays or Tuesdays either. It might happen tomorrow but I’m not keeping my fingers crossed.
There is a television in the room but it doesn’t work. I told the nice young lady at reception that one of their appliances had broken and was informed that it’s fully functional but has a $70 charge before they switch it on from the main desk.
Cheap bastards.
By way of thanks I intend to leave them a deposit of an altogether different kind when we leave.
I shall have a curry the night before we go and in the morning neglect to flush the bog after sitting there for half an hour. After the water incident, I've spent a fair amount of time on it anyway so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
To my mind that would be better than any message I could leave in their comments book…and more accurate too.
To conclude today’s entry; I should let you know that I met a group of holidaymakers in the beachfront bar who were studiously sat around a table with a deck of cards in front of them. It transpired they are poker enthusiasts and have organized a game in their hotel tomorrow night.
Maybe this place isn’t so bad after all.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ I still don’t care, I’m still on holiday.