Day 133
Holiday - Day Five
Today the current Mrs. Snowman took it upon herself to purchase some jewellery.
This would be frightening enough at home but when she decides to fork out a large quantity of cash in a foreign country it’s more or less guaranteed to end in trouble.
The anti-crapping tablets had worked wonders overnight and I felt brave enough to venture into the daylight without the need for a man-sized diaper or an anal plug made from a wine cork.
When we picked up the car at the rental office we were also given a fistful of brochures guiding us to a host of attractions across the island. One of these was a pamphlet explaining the wonderful day we could have by spending some time at a jewellery manufacturing business.
On the face of it, I thought this could be an interesting excursion. Seeing local craftsmen fashioning a raw material into a thing of beauty was quite an appealing prospect, it would certainly be a welcome change from watching large groups of idiots making fools of themselves in down-market bars around our hotel.
Wrong.
The “workshop” turned out to be a large retail premises and the “artisans” were a group of very high-pressure salesmen.
This aspect didn’t really bother me as one of my hobbies is reducing Jehovah Witnesses to tears as quickly as possible after they knock the door. My personal record is just under four minutes so jewellery salesmen are relatively easy fodder by comparison.
However, today the odds were stacked against me.
As soon as we walked into the place, Mrs. Snowman’s eyes were popping out on stalks. A little dribble of saliva appeared at the corner of her mouth when she hovered over the display cases containing the emerald items.
By the time she got to the diamonds she was hyperventilating.
An expensively dressed gentleman swooped on us and spent the next hour trying to sell us the most insanely over-priced jewellery I’ve ever seen.
At one point he produced a gents diamond ring that I’ve seen advertised with a New York company for $850. It wasn’t a similar design…it was identical.
I must admit it was an extremely nice ring and for a brief moment I was quite tempted. I even requested he tell me his best deal for cash.
He spent a few seconds tapping away on his calculator and triumphantly announced the results.
“For you Senor, we do very special price”
“Excellent…how much?”
“Only $19,800”
My mood changed slightly at this point.
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“No, no Senor, I save you $5,000”
I shall not convey to you the ensuing conversation suffice to say it included the words “off”, “fuck”, “comedian”, “bullshit” and “shit head”.
Even Mrs. Snowman had to concede these prices were complete madness so we enquired where the toilets were and sneaked out through a side door.
The car park had a smattering of couples, each with a look of shock on their faces and trying to figure out the kind of individuals who would fall prey to these shysters.
I think I can answer that…probably the same gullible people who think the first price they see flashed across the screen on those crap television jewellery shopping channels represents the actual value of the thing being advertised.
We drove in shock to the lovely coastal town of Puerto Christo and recovered with a very civilized lunch in a pretty little restaurant overlooking the harbor.
Later that afternoon after I got back to Magalluf and was sat in Jamie’s bar on the beachfront, the current Mrs. Snowman appeared with a worryingly pleased look on her face.
I thought maybe she’d bumped into the guys who were hoping to get a poker game together but unfortunately my day remained Hold ‘Em free once more.
“Hi darling, look what I’ve bought!”
She handed me a gold necklace about the same size as the kind of thing they use to secure aircraft carriers in a dry dock.
“Isn’t it great! I only paid 150€ (about $230) for it”
“Er…where did you get it from?”
“A really nice Spanish man on the corner of the road, he had lots of them. That’s why I got it so cheap”
Mrs. Snowman didn’t study Economics…or common sense.
She was so excited about her purchase I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was quite obviously a very poor fake.
I didn’t need to; she put it on during the afternoon and by evening it had turned her neck green.
At this rate, she’ll look like one of my shirts by the end of the week.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ Still don’t know…still don’t care.
Today the current Mrs. Snowman took it upon herself to purchase some jewellery.
This would be frightening enough at home but when she decides to fork out a large quantity of cash in a foreign country it’s more or less guaranteed to end in trouble.
The anti-crapping tablets had worked wonders overnight and I felt brave enough to venture into the daylight without the need for a man-sized diaper or an anal plug made from a wine cork.
When we picked up the car at the rental office we were also given a fistful of brochures guiding us to a host of attractions across the island. One of these was a pamphlet explaining the wonderful day we could have by spending some time at a jewellery manufacturing business.
On the face of it, I thought this could be an interesting excursion. Seeing local craftsmen fashioning a raw material into a thing of beauty was quite an appealing prospect, it would certainly be a welcome change from watching large groups of idiots making fools of themselves in down-market bars around our hotel.
Wrong.
The “workshop” turned out to be a large retail premises and the “artisans” were a group of very high-pressure salesmen.
This aspect didn’t really bother me as one of my hobbies is reducing Jehovah Witnesses to tears as quickly as possible after they knock the door. My personal record is just under four minutes so jewellery salesmen are relatively easy fodder by comparison.
However, today the odds were stacked against me.
As soon as we walked into the place, Mrs. Snowman’s eyes were popping out on stalks. A little dribble of saliva appeared at the corner of her mouth when she hovered over the display cases containing the emerald items.
By the time she got to the diamonds she was hyperventilating.
An expensively dressed gentleman swooped on us and spent the next hour trying to sell us the most insanely over-priced jewellery I’ve ever seen.
At one point he produced a gents diamond ring that I’ve seen advertised with a New York company for $850. It wasn’t a similar design…it was identical.
I must admit it was an extremely nice ring and for a brief moment I was quite tempted. I even requested he tell me his best deal for cash.
He spent a few seconds tapping away on his calculator and triumphantly announced the results.
“For you Senor, we do very special price”
“Excellent…how much?”
“Only $19,800”
My mood changed slightly at this point.
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“No, no Senor, I save you $5,000”
I shall not convey to you the ensuing conversation suffice to say it included the words “off”, “fuck”, “comedian”, “bullshit” and “shit head”.
Even Mrs. Snowman had to concede these prices were complete madness so we enquired where the toilets were and sneaked out through a side door.
The car park had a smattering of couples, each with a look of shock on their faces and trying to figure out the kind of individuals who would fall prey to these shysters.
I think I can answer that…probably the same gullible people who think the first price they see flashed across the screen on those crap television jewellery shopping channels represents the actual value of the thing being advertised.
We drove in shock to the lovely coastal town of Puerto Christo and recovered with a very civilized lunch in a pretty little restaurant overlooking the harbor.
Later that afternoon after I got back to Magalluf and was sat in Jamie’s bar on the beachfront, the current Mrs. Snowman appeared with a worryingly pleased look on her face.
I thought maybe she’d bumped into the guys who were hoping to get a poker game together but unfortunately my day remained Hold ‘Em free once more.
“Hi darling, look what I’ve bought!”
She handed me a gold necklace about the same size as the kind of thing they use to secure aircraft carriers in a dry dock.
“Isn’t it great! I only paid 150€ (about $230) for it”
“Er…where did you get it from?”
“A really nice Spanish man on the corner of the road, he had lots of them. That’s why I got it so cheap”
Mrs. Snowman didn’t study Economics…or common sense.
She was so excited about her purchase I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was quite obviously a very poor fake.
I didn’t need to; she put it on during the afternoon and by evening it had turned her neck green.
At this rate, she’ll look like one of my shirts by the end of the week.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ Still don’t know…still don’t care.