Day 136
For regular readers I should apologise that the diary hasn’t been updated for a few days but once more I’ve been unable to gain access to the Internet.
Rather than the usual connection malfunction the problem was something far less technical…I broke the power lead for the laptop when I was unpacking everything from the holiday. As this is quite an important component for prolonged computer use I had to go and get another one.
I thought it would be a fairly simple task to find a replacement part, plug it in and resume normal service.
No such luck.
It transpired that the manufacturer doesn’t use any generic parts for their apparatus. Unless you purchase a unique bit made by them you’re basically, er…fucked.
They have also ensured that, other than virtual outlets, there are no shops that sell their products.
The only way to obtain it was to telephone the suppliers and order one. This entailed speaking with their customer service department.
On a number of levels this was easier said than done.
Firstly, their call centre is not, as you would expect, located in England.
It’s in India.
Not for the first time, having got through a voicemail system designed to irritate the hell out of anyone unfortunate enough to call it, I finally spoke to a human being and had to repeat everything three times as English wasn’t their first language. In this context, “customer service” is a nominal term, as neither of us could really understand what the other was saying.
Eventually, after spelling out a few hundred individual letters coupled with some inspired guesswork the person at the other end of the phone finally worked out what I wanted and informed me the spares department was closed until 9.00am the following day.
Grrrrrrrrr.
With another stroke of brilliance, it was also suggested I log on to their web site to see if the specific item was in stock.
From an evolutionary perspective I hope this option was a linguistic misunderstanding on behalf of the chap at the other end of the phone. If it wasn’t I implore him to remain celibate for the next fifty years or so.
I decided that on balance I should get in the car and drive to a local retail park where a friendly electrical store might be able to provide a solution.
…and a solution was definitely needed as I was starting to get poker withdrawal symptoms. I’m sure I don’t need to explain these to a readership who are largely enthusiasts of the wonderful game but I shall tell you anyway.
Whenever I speak and say anything starting with the letter “p” it develops into a very noticeable stutter. This isn’t easy when I ask the wife if she’d like to watch a poker programme after packing away the dinner plates.
Also, whenever I heard a poker term I’d liven up and inadvertently respond in kind.
The mother-in-law informed that her son hadn’t called.
I responded by saying she shouldn’t have re-raised.
Maybe I should seek some kind of professional help.
The shop assistant at the computer store was extremely helpful and was able to sell me a new lead with an adaptor that fitted my machine. The price was about a third the cost of a completely new laptop but I swallowed hard and handed over the credit card.
Even though I now had the means to get back online again and scribble a few words for this diary I thought it best to wait until the morning before I tried to get the new lead working. I managed to get my daily fix with a television poker show but as the computer wasn’t operational I didn’t manage to play any.
Although most purists will consider this to be a good thing, I was able to find out my poker bank balance. While I was away in Europe my sponsor had topped up my account so tomorrow I’ll be able to blow a large portion of it in a single sitting.
The only other notable event of the day concerned the current Mrs. Snowman.
She had an early start at work this morning and after diving under the shower needed to use the hair dryer prior to getting dressed. Not wanting to fully wake up at such an unreasonable hour, I pulled a pillow over my head to block out the noise and went back to sleep.
Four hours later I was having a wonderful dream involving two Playboy bunnies and an industrial sized bottle of baby oil.
As much as I would have liked to continue wallowing in my subliminal filth, I was very rudely interrupted.
I’m sure I must have had an extremely wide grin across my face immediately prior to leaping out of bed like a frog beating the World pole vault record.
I’d rolled over in bed and the hairbrush that Mrs. Snowman had conveniently left under the sheets had become lodged between my buttocks.
Let me assure you that if you ever need to get out of bed quickly this works a treat.
I jumped up like someone had wired a car battery to my balls.
In a semi-conscious state I thought a flesh-eating hedgehog had encroached into my dream and was attacking my penis…and the bastard was still there seconds after I woke up.
From start to finish, not a good day.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ I’ll know tomorrow (I hope).
Rather than the usual connection malfunction the problem was something far less technical…I broke the power lead for the laptop when I was unpacking everything from the holiday. As this is quite an important component for prolonged computer use I had to go and get another one.
I thought it would be a fairly simple task to find a replacement part, plug it in and resume normal service.
No such luck.
It transpired that the manufacturer doesn’t use any generic parts for their apparatus. Unless you purchase a unique bit made by them you’re basically, er…fucked.
They have also ensured that, other than virtual outlets, there are no shops that sell their products.
The only way to obtain it was to telephone the suppliers and order one. This entailed speaking with their customer service department.
On a number of levels this was easier said than done.
Firstly, their call centre is not, as you would expect, located in England.
It’s in India.
Not for the first time, having got through a voicemail system designed to irritate the hell out of anyone unfortunate enough to call it, I finally spoke to a human being and had to repeat everything three times as English wasn’t their first language. In this context, “customer service” is a nominal term, as neither of us could really understand what the other was saying.
Eventually, after spelling out a few hundred individual letters coupled with some inspired guesswork the person at the other end of the phone finally worked out what I wanted and informed me the spares department was closed until 9.00am the following day.
Grrrrrrrrr.
With another stroke of brilliance, it was also suggested I log on to their web site to see if the specific item was in stock.
From an evolutionary perspective I hope this option was a linguistic misunderstanding on behalf of the chap at the other end of the phone. If it wasn’t I implore him to remain celibate for the next fifty years or so.
I decided that on balance I should get in the car and drive to a local retail park where a friendly electrical store might be able to provide a solution.
…and a solution was definitely needed as I was starting to get poker withdrawal symptoms. I’m sure I don’t need to explain these to a readership who are largely enthusiasts of the wonderful game but I shall tell you anyway.
Whenever I speak and say anything starting with the letter “p” it develops into a very noticeable stutter. This isn’t easy when I ask the wife if she’d like to watch a poker programme after packing away the dinner plates.
Also, whenever I heard a poker term I’d liven up and inadvertently respond in kind.
The mother-in-law informed that her son hadn’t called.
I responded by saying she shouldn’t have re-raised.
Maybe I should seek some kind of professional help.
The shop assistant at the computer store was extremely helpful and was able to sell me a new lead with an adaptor that fitted my machine. The price was about a third the cost of a completely new laptop but I swallowed hard and handed over the credit card.
Even though I now had the means to get back online again and scribble a few words for this diary I thought it best to wait until the morning before I tried to get the new lead working. I managed to get my daily fix with a television poker show but as the computer wasn’t operational I didn’t manage to play any.
Although most purists will consider this to be a good thing, I was able to find out my poker bank balance. While I was away in Europe my sponsor had topped up my account so tomorrow I’ll be able to blow a large portion of it in a single sitting.
The only other notable event of the day concerned the current Mrs. Snowman.
She had an early start at work this morning and after diving under the shower needed to use the hair dryer prior to getting dressed. Not wanting to fully wake up at such an unreasonable hour, I pulled a pillow over my head to block out the noise and went back to sleep.
Four hours later I was having a wonderful dream involving two Playboy bunnies and an industrial sized bottle of baby oil.
As much as I would have liked to continue wallowing in my subliminal filth, I was very rudely interrupted.
I’m sure I must have had an extremely wide grin across my face immediately prior to leaping out of bed like a frog beating the World pole vault record.
I’d rolled over in bed and the hairbrush that Mrs. Snowman had conveniently left under the sheets had become lodged between my buttocks.
Let me assure you that if you ever need to get out of bed quickly this works a treat.
I jumped up like someone had wired a car battery to my balls.
In a semi-conscious state I thought a flesh-eating hedgehog had encroached into my dream and was attacking my penis…and the bastard was still there seconds after I woke up.
From start to finish, not a good day.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $ I’ll know tomorrow (I hope).
