Day 137
If there were any doubts in my mind that I’m back home they were completely dispelled after today.
Following yesterday’s computer issue I’m delighted to report that all electrical equipment is once again fully functional. I even managed to turn the switch to the correct position on the power adaptor without blowing anything up.
However, my sunny disposition didn’t remain calm for very long.
Obviously, the current Mrs. Snowman considered she hadn’t had an opportunity to indulge in her hobby while in Majorca and by God did she make up for it today.
A few weeks ago I wrote a magazine article concerning the possibility of including poker in the next Olympics and theorised that other pastimes like queuing and parallel parking could also be considered for inclusion.
I could add another one to the list that my wife could easily qualify for:
Arguing.
Once she starts, she’s absolutely relentless…and she doesn’t need a tangible reason or rational point to kick off.
An example of this occurred this afternoon when Surrogate Daughter wanted a last-minute baby sitter so that she could go and do something with her friends.
As there was no way I would be asked to perform this task again (you may recall my last efforts were less than successful) the request was aimed towards the wife.
Having just finished a rather trying day at work she was hardly in the mood to volunteer and not unreasonably refused.
It was at this point the shouting started.
The main problem seems to be that they’re both as stubborn as a couple of mules and neither of them will back down…and I’m caught in the middle.
Surrogate Daughter screamed at me that I should be backing her efforts while the wife demanded that I should back her.
This leaves me in completely no win situation.
If I take sides with the current Mrs. Snowman I’ll be at the receiving end of Surrogate Daughter’s wrath and if I lean towards Surrogate Daughter I’ll get it in the neck from the wife…possibly accompanied by a piece of cutlery doubling as a missile.
For once, the mother-in-law came in useful.
She’d wandered in to find out what was going on and for the briefest of moments their attention was distracted.
Rather than offering an opinion I immediately identified an escape route and politely asked what she thought of the situation.
As they both turned to face her, I ducked and slinked out of the room.
By the time they turned back again I was half way up the stairs and out of range.
Although I could hear the argument rage underneath me, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the secondary dodge would have to be made.
This happened when they’d both completed their initial bout of insults and made a tactical retreat to their respective bedrooms in order to brood and prepare themselves for Round Two.
The trick is therefore to creep into the bathroom just after the wife gets to the stairs but before she reaches the bedroom door. When she’s in the bedroom I’m then able to sprint back down the stairs again before she realizes I’m not there.
Timing is of the essence but if I do it with split-second accuracy it gives me sufficient time to do what any other re-blooded brave male would do under the circumstances.
Run out of the house and fuck off to the pub for the afternoon.
By the time I returned, things had calmed down considerably and even though the atmosphere still felt like a standoff between George Bush and an IQ tester, at least no one was in danger of being impaled by a flying teaspoon.
For the first time in over a week I was able to sit down in front of a computer and scream at some appalling cards that were dealt to me.
As mentioned, while I was away, my sponsor had replenished my account so I was able to dive headlong into a $4.40 tournament. I played even worse than usual and lasted just under ten minutes before my pocket 6’s were cracked by A-K off suit.
Not wanting to go through the preliminary stages of poker cold turkey, I immediately registered for a $2.20 satellite event to Sunday’s $100,000 tournament.
And…I qualified!
My crap and unorthodox play must have baffled the other players, it’s only a shame there was no immediate financial reward. I even celebrated by losing a small amount at the 2c/5c tables an hour later.
At least I got a nice e-mail from the poker site informing me of my placement.
I might get it framed for posterity.
There was a smile on my face for the remainder of the day that widened considerably when Small Child was sick over Surrogate Daughter when she was giving it a bath to remove the previous amount of vomit after dinner.
All in all, (and with the exception of my win at the poker tables) things are pretty much back to normal.
Oh great.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $71.58
Following yesterday’s computer issue I’m delighted to report that all electrical equipment is once again fully functional. I even managed to turn the switch to the correct position on the power adaptor without blowing anything up.
However, my sunny disposition didn’t remain calm for very long.
Obviously, the current Mrs. Snowman considered she hadn’t had an opportunity to indulge in her hobby while in Majorca and by God did she make up for it today.
A few weeks ago I wrote a magazine article concerning the possibility of including poker in the next Olympics and theorised that other pastimes like queuing and parallel parking could also be considered for inclusion.
I could add another one to the list that my wife could easily qualify for:
Arguing.
Once she starts, she’s absolutely relentless…and she doesn’t need a tangible reason or rational point to kick off.
An example of this occurred this afternoon when Surrogate Daughter wanted a last-minute baby sitter so that she could go and do something with her friends.
As there was no way I would be asked to perform this task again (you may recall my last efforts were less than successful) the request was aimed towards the wife.
Having just finished a rather trying day at work she was hardly in the mood to volunteer and not unreasonably refused.
It was at this point the shouting started.
The main problem seems to be that they’re both as stubborn as a couple of mules and neither of them will back down…and I’m caught in the middle.
Surrogate Daughter screamed at me that I should be backing her efforts while the wife demanded that I should back her.
This leaves me in completely no win situation.
If I take sides with the current Mrs. Snowman I’ll be at the receiving end of Surrogate Daughter’s wrath and if I lean towards Surrogate Daughter I’ll get it in the neck from the wife…possibly accompanied by a piece of cutlery doubling as a missile.
For once, the mother-in-law came in useful.
She’d wandered in to find out what was going on and for the briefest of moments their attention was distracted.
Rather than offering an opinion I immediately identified an escape route and politely asked what she thought of the situation.
As they both turned to face her, I ducked and slinked out of the room.
By the time they turned back again I was half way up the stairs and out of range.
Although I could hear the argument rage underneath me, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the secondary dodge would have to be made.
This happened when they’d both completed their initial bout of insults and made a tactical retreat to their respective bedrooms in order to brood and prepare themselves for Round Two.
The trick is therefore to creep into the bathroom just after the wife gets to the stairs but before she reaches the bedroom door. When she’s in the bedroom I’m then able to sprint back down the stairs again before she realizes I’m not there.
Timing is of the essence but if I do it with split-second accuracy it gives me sufficient time to do what any other re-blooded brave male would do under the circumstances.
Run out of the house and fuck off to the pub for the afternoon.
By the time I returned, things had calmed down considerably and even though the atmosphere still felt like a standoff between George Bush and an IQ tester, at least no one was in danger of being impaled by a flying teaspoon.
For the first time in over a week I was able to sit down in front of a computer and scream at some appalling cards that were dealt to me.
As mentioned, while I was away, my sponsor had replenished my account so I was able to dive headlong into a $4.40 tournament. I played even worse than usual and lasted just under ten minutes before my pocket 6’s were cracked by A-K off suit.
Not wanting to go through the preliminary stages of poker cold turkey, I immediately registered for a $2.20 satellite event to Sunday’s $100,000 tournament.
And…I qualified!
My crap and unorthodox play must have baffled the other players, it’s only a shame there was no immediate financial reward. I even celebrated by losing a small amount at the 2c/5c tables an hour later.
At least I got a nice e-mail from the poker site informing me of my placement.
I might get it framed for posterity.
There was a smile on my face for the remainder of the day that widened considerably when Small Child was sick over Surrogate Daughter when she was giving it a bath to remove the previous amount of vomit after dinner.
All in all, (and with the exception of my win at the poker tables) things are pretty much back to normal.
Oh great.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $71.58