Day 139
For the first time since we got back from Spain it’s stopped raining.
Usually this would give me an excuse to have a refined and sophisticated afternoon getting to know a few bottles of beer but circumstances decreed otherwise.
Small Child has its first birthday next week and the female inhabitants of the house have demanded that presents have to be purchased.
My immediate thoughts were to buy the little angel either a live hand grenade or a pet scorpion but I wisely refrained from making these considerations public.
With the benefit of hindsight maybe I should have said something as it soon became clear that I was expected to tag along with the women as they trawl around every toy store in the area.
Obviously I didn’t want this to happen so an avoidance strategy was required.
I thought it would be possible to dodge any shopping expeditions by offering to perform the matrimonial duty of car cleaning.
The wife agreed with the plan and was even good enough to have several cleaning cloths and bottles of detergent waiting for me as I came downstairs.
Most of you will know that I’d rather spend a week with a live alligator in my underpants than spend several hours shopping with the wife. With this in mind I decided it was perfectly reasonable to unnecessarily prolong my cleaning duties in the hope I could at least drag it out until the shops closed.
To make doubly sure, some kind of sabotage would also be needed.
On this occasion, however, the current Mrs. Snowman could not be duped.
She must be developing some kind of sixth sense to identify my diminishing repertoire of ploys, as when I was just about to release the valve on the front tyre she magically appeared over my shoulder.
“Ok, that’s enough, we’re going now”
I had to think fast.
“Oh darling; you know I’d love to come with you but…um…I’ve got to jump in the shower and change my clothes first. I shouldn’t be more than an hour or two”
This hastily concocted and ridiculous excuse had more teeth than I first realized.
I could see in her face that she was weighing up the odds.
An argument could be skillfully manipulated into a row lasting an hour or two and allowing me to imprison myself in the bathroom could be dragged out even longer.
If she still wanted to hit the shops, she’d have to go without me.
Five minutes later I was alone in a blissfully silent house with several quiet hours of poker to look forward to.
Although I may have found a new strategy to add to my armory it will have to be used sparingly to retain it’s effectiveness.
I think I might keep its next use in reserve for when I’m expected to attend the inevitable birthday party, although I might resort to self-harm to be absolutely certain of avoiding that one.
Even though I was delighted with my little psychological victory over the wife, it also had the regrettable effect of instilling such an air of smug complacency into me that I managed to fuck up the first $4.40 tournament inside of five minutes.
Hoping to restore both the bank balance and my integrity I found an $11 game and got stuck in. A huge smile crossed my face as pocket Kings shimmered in front of me and I raised the pot. Two callers came back and the flop came down K-A-7 rainbow. A round of raises and re-raises saw three players all-in and before I could blink I found myself eliminated to pocket Aces.
Another $11 game was quickly found and I calmed myself in the knowledge that I couldn’t be that unlucky again.
Oh yes I could.
This time I flopped a Queen high straight that was murdered by a flush on the river.
I don’t want to dwell on it but I was down to just under $20 before the $100,000 event got started.
This time I played with careful consideration, tight check raises and finished in the top 500 with a prize of $89.01.
If I carry on with this stunning streak of lose/win, I’ll make my $10,000 when I’m er…well, I won’t.
Nonetheless, I’m convinced that one day I will be fortunate enough to have a really good run of cards and make my target in a single swoop.
Ok, I probably won’t but it still doesn’t detract from the feeling of elation when I got the email informing me of tonight’s winnings.
Only after I’d finished at the tables did I enquire from Mrs. Snowman what she’d purchased for Small Child…
A battery powered musical scooter, a toy piano and a child’s drum kit.
I can only blame myself for not preventing this.
Next time I have the options of either going to the shops with her or phoning the bank and cancelling the credit cards before she gets there, I shall choose the one liable to cause the least amount of repercussions.
Ring, ring…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $93.17
Usually this would give me an excuse to have a refined and sophisticated afternoon getting to know a few bottles of beer but circumstances decreed otherwise.
Small Child has its first birthday next week and the female inhabitants of the house have demanded that presents have to be purchased.
My immediate thoughts were to buy the little angel either a live hand grenade or a pet scorpion but I wisely refrained from making these considerations public.
With the benefit of hindsight maybe I should have said something as it soon became clear that I was expected to tag along with the women as they trawl around every toy store in the area.
Obviously I didn’t want this to happen so an avoidance strategy was required.
I thought it would be possible to dodge any shopping expeditions by offering to perform the matrimonial duty of car cleaning.
The wife agreed with the plan and was even good enough to have several cleaning cloths and bottles of detergent waiting for me as I came downstairs.
Most of you will know that I’d rather spend a week with a live alligator in my underpants than spend several hours shopping with the wife. With this in mind I decided it was perfectly reasonable to unnecessarily prolong my cleaning duties in the hope I could at least drag it out until the shops closed.
To make doubly sure, some kind of sabotage would also be needed.
On this occasion, however, the current Mrs. Snowman could not be duped.
She must be developing some kind of sixth sense to identify my diminishing repertoire of ploys, as when I was just about to release the valve on the front tyre she magically appeared over my shoulder.
“Ok, that’s enough, we’re going now”
I had to think fast.
“Oh darling; you know I’d love to come with you but…um…I’ve got to jump in the shower and change my clothes first. I shouldn’t be more than an hour or two”
This hastily concocted and ridiculous excuse had more teeth than I first realized.
I could see in her face that she was weighing up the odds.
An argument could be skillfully manipulated into a row lasting an hour or two and allowing me to imprison myself in the bathroom could be dragged out even longer.
If she still wanted to hit the shops, she’d have to go without me.
Five minutes later I was alone in a blissfully silent house with several quiet hours of poker to look forward to.
Although I may have found a new strategy to add to my armory it will have to be used sparingly to retain it’s effectiveness.
I think I might keep its next use in reserve for when I’m expected to attend the inevitable birthday party, although I might resort to self-harm to be absolutely certain of avoiding that one.
Even though I was delighted with my little psychological victory over the wife, it also had the regrettable effect of instilling such an air of smug complacency into me that I managed to fuck up the first $4.40 tournament inside of five minutes.
Hoping to restore both the bank balance and my integrity I found an $11 game and got stuck in. A huge smile crossed my face as pocket Kings shimmered in front of me and I raised the pot. Two callers came back and the flop came down K-A-7 rainbow. A round of raises and re-raises saw three players all-in and before I could blink I found myself eliminated to pocket Aces.
Another $11 game was quickly found and I calmed myself in the knowledge that I couldn’t be that unlucky again.
Oh yes I could.
This time I flopped a Queen high straight that was murdered by a flush on the river.
I don’t want to dwell on it but I was down to just under $20 before the $100,000 event got started.
This time I played with careful consideration, tight check raises and finished in the top 500 with a prize of $89.01.
If I carry on with this stunning streak of lose/win, I’ll make my $10,000 when I’m er…well, I won’t.
Nonetheless, I’m convinced that one day I will be fortunate enough to have a really good run of cards and make my target in a single swoop.
Ok, I probably won’t but it still doesn’t detract from the feeling of elation when I got the email informing me of tonight’s winnings.
Only after I’d finished at the tables did I enquire from Mrs. Snowman what she’d purchased for Small Child…
A battery powered musical scooter, a toy piano and a child’s drum kit.
I can only blame myself for not preventing this.
Next time I have the options of either going to the shops with her or phoning the bank and cancelling the credit cards before she gets there, I shall choose the one liable to cause the least amount of repercussions.
Ring, ring…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $93.17