Day 140
This afternoon I had to drive to the bank and deposit some cash in order that a couple of forthcoming transactions could be completed without any hindrance.
In the normal course of events this menial task wouldn’t warrant an inclusion into the pages of this diary but today there were exterior forces in play that made it anything other than mundane.
These forces came in the shape of the miserable low-life who gave me a parking ticket for leaving the car in an incorrect spot for about three minutes.
In different regions they have different names: traffic wardens, parking attendants and with ridiculous pomposity, civil parking enforcement officers. However, there is a generic universal term that describes every one of them with precise accuracy:
Horrible little shits with a Napoleon complex.
They are on the same rung on the evolutionary ladder as bailiffs, repo men and those revolting creatures who gleefully enforce the smoking ban, ie: slightly below a lizard and marginally above a slug.
It takes a certain type of person who actually wants to inflict misery on their fellow man whilst wearing a badly fitting uniform and strutting around like their buttocks have been sprayed with starch.
Indeed, to be successful in this career you have to possess the following attributes:
1. Have no friends.
2. Have no social skills.
3. Have no conscience.
4. Be a bastard.
In addition to these characteristics, the individual I encountered today had another quality that will ensure a long and fruitful existence of universal hatred…deceitfulness.
Having driven into the city and got relatively close to the bank, I noticed the attendant standing by a lamppost so pulled the car to the side of the road a couple of yards from him, rolled the window down and asked if it would be ok to park there as I’d only be a few minutes completing my business.
“No problem, of course you can”
With a smile of gratitude I turned off the engine, locked the doors and went as quickly as I could so as not to abuse his kindness.
I couldn’t have been gone for more than four minutes.
On returning to the car I discovered he’d written me a ticket and slapped it under the windscreen wiper.
You’ll be pleased to hear that, with remarkable self-restraint, I refrained from beating the living daylights out of him and instead politely asked for his name and number.
Obviously I intend to contest the fine and fervently hope it goes to court.
I doubt his conscious will push him into telling the truth (as he clearly doesn’t have one) but with any luck I might be able to lose him his job.
Now, don’t get me wrong, if I deliberately park the car somewhere that will cause an obstruction or shows a blatant disregard for other road users I expect some kind of fine or punishment, however, when an approved representative of the local authority deliberately lies in order to deceive someone and thereby fill his personal quota, I take exception.
Big time.
I cannot adequately explain my contempt for these turds of humanity; suffice to say they will be first against the wall when the revolution comes…probably trying to give a ticket to the firing squad for standing too close to the line.
Rant over.
You might think that I took out my anger on the poker tables and lost the remainder of the money that’s in my account in a single rage but…you’d be wrong!
Having done quite well in yesterday’s $100,000 game I thought I’d have a stab at qualifying for the next one. Even though I got into a bickering match with a donk I still managed to double up before the second round of blinds and then quadrupled my stack before the break. To cut a long story short, I’m in Sunday’s tournament.
Next time I sit in front of the computer I might pick an argument with wife first.
Obviously I’d need to install some voice-activated software first as she’ll probably break my fingers but if my poker remains like this it might just be worth it.
Alternatively I could eat a few ice popsicles and use the sticks as splints.
Just a thought.
So, even though the day was fairly bad at one point, I’m glad it ended on a happier note. I even managed to watch an absorbing documentary on a group of students working their way through law school.
The narrator questioned where those that failed their final examinations found a new career that would offer them the same level of job satisfaction.
I think I can answer that.
They become traffic wardens.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $90.97
In the normal course of events this menial task wouldn’t warrant an inclusion into the pages of this diary but today there were exterior forces in play that made it anything other than mundane.
These forces came in the shape of the miserable low-life who gave me a parking ticket for leaving the car in an incorrect spot for about three minutes.
In different regions they have different names: traffic wardens, parking attendants and with ridiculous pomposity, civil parking enforcement officers. However, there is a generic universal term that describes every one of them with precise accuracy:
Horrible little shits with a Napoleon complex.
They are on the same rung on the evolutionary ladder as bailiffs, repo men and those revolting creatures who gleefully enforce the smoking ban, ie: slightly below a lizard and marginally above a slug.
It takes a certain type of person who actually wants to inflict misery on their fellow man whilst wearing a badly fitting uniform and strutting around like their buttocks have been sprayed with starch.
Indeed, to be successful in this career you have to possess the following attributes:
1. Have no friends.
2. Have no social skills.
3. Have no conscience.
4. Be a bastard.
In addition to these characteristics, the individual I encountered today had another quality that will ensure a long and fruitful existence of universal hatred…deceitfulness.
Having driven into the city and got relatively close to the bank, I noticed the attendant standing by a lamppost so pulled the car to the side of the road a couple of yards from him, rolled the window down and asked if it would be ok to park there as I’d only be a few minutes completing my business.
“No problem, of course you can”
With a smile of gratitude I turned off the engine, locked the doors and went as quickly as I could so as not to abuse his kindness.
I couldn’t have been gone for more than four minutes.
On returning to the car I discovered he’d written me a ticket and slapped it under the windscreen wiper.
You’ll be pleased to hear that, with remarkable self-restraint, I refrained from beating the living daylights out of him and instead politely asked for his name and number.
Obviously I intend to contest the fine and fervently hope it goes to court.
I doubt his conscious will push him into telling the truth (as he clearly doesn’t have one) but with any luck I might be able to lose him his job.
Now, don’t get me wrong, if I deliberately park the car somewhere that will cause an obstruction or shows a blatant disregard for other road users I expect some kind of fine or punishment, however, when an approved representative of the local authority deliberately lies in order to deceive someone and thereby fill his personal quota, I take exception.
Big time.
I cannot adequately explain my contempt for these turds of humanity; suffice to say they will be first against the wall when the revolution comes…probably trying to give a ticket to the firing squad for standing too close to the line.
Rant over.
You might think that I took out my anger on the poker tables and lost the remainder of the money that’s in my account in a single rage but…you’d be wrong!
Having done quite well in yesterday’s $100,000 game I thought I’d have a stab at qualifying for the next one. Even though I got into a bickering match with a donk I still managed to double up before the second round of blinds and then quadrupled my stack before the break. To cut a long story short, I’m in Sunday’s tournament.
Next time I sit in front of the computer I might pick an argument with wife first.
Obviously I’d need to install some voice-activated software first as she’ll probably break my fingers but if my poker remains like this it might just be worth it.
Alternatively I could eat a few ice popsicles and use the sticks as splints.
Just a thought.
So, even though the day was fairly bad at one point, I’m glad it ended on a happier note. I even managed to watch an absorbing documentary on a group of students working their way through law school.
The narrator questioned where those that failed their final examinations found a new career that would offer them the same level of job satisfaction.
I think I can answer that.
They become traffic wardens.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $90.97