Day 150
As I sit here listening to the rain beating against the window during a time that is laughably known in this country as summer, I turned my thoughts to our forthcoming holiday. It may be four months away but boy oh boy am I looking forward to it.
I have to go to Amsterdam in the interim and although it will be wonderful to meet up with a few Internet friends it’s largely work related and therefore does not hold the existential relaxation possibilities of the Caribbean. Or put another way, it doesn’t revolve around two weeks of beer, cocktails, half-naked women on warm beaches, beer, sunshine, beer and…er…beer.
Quite frankly, the weather in England right now is extremely depressing and I therefore have to discover other things to bolster my spirits. Obviously poker doesn’t really find itself in this category but it can be found in the most unlikely of places.
It occurred when the current Mrs. Snowman was surfing Internet sites this afternoon about diseases (possibly a new hobby) and quite innocently made a remark concerning Chlamydia.
Not wanting to encourage this enterprise I just gave her a nervous smile and made an acquiescent grunt in the hope it gave her the impression I was interested but Surrogate Daughter was more direct.
With complete seriousness, she chirped up and asked:
“Where’s Chlamydia?”
Rather than crack a remark about stupidity or educational abnormalities I saw something else…
This was an opportunity for humiliation that was too good to miss.
“Hmmm…let me think, I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in South America near…um…”
“Columbia?”
“No…Vagina”
At this point I could see the wife winding up for a vicious retaliation so quickly got the punch line in before I received a punch of a far more physical nature.
“It used to be a nice place to visit until it got fucked up. You fly to Clitoris International Airport and head south. It gets a bit damp there sometimes but if you avoid the jungle areas there’s always something to keep you occupied when it clears up”
I noticed the confused look on Surrogate Daughter’s face just before a ballpoint pen went whistling past my ear. Luckily there was nothing heavier within the wife’s reach otherwise she may have taken my head off. Even so, Surrogate Daughter was clearly still puzzled so I tried to assist her with a final nugget of information.
“I’m thinking of going there next year on holiday if I can find someone that does an all-in package”
Mrs. Snowman refrained from any further pitching practice and opted instead for holding her head in her hands and tightening the grip on her hair.
Once more I had a relatively successful day at the poker tables.
The first tournament was one of those funky little 10 FPP things and I got very lucky early on hitting two full houses, a King flush and an Ace high straight to get my chip stack over the 10,000 mark. Things remained static for a while until a couple of high pockets enabled me to steal some blinds and I just squeezed into the money earning a whopping 30 cents.
The second event was a freeroll where the top ninety progressed to a cash tournament on Saturday. I shall not embellish the details of my participation suffice to say that I finished 5th and intend to replicate the feat when real money is at stake.
Fingers, toes, ears and testicles crossed.
Although there was little else to bring a ray of sunshine into my day, a small glimmer managed to worm its way through when I was browsing the Web and found there’s a town in Newfoundland called “Dildo”. I might write to their town council and see if they’d like to be twinned with “Beaver Head” in Idaho.
Although I’m sure these are delightful places to live they don’t have the attraction of the place where I intend to spend at least some time before I retire…
“Wet Beaver Creek” in Arizona.
You don’t want to know what I was searching for when I found it.
Trust me…you really don’t.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.15
I have to go to Amsterdam in the interim and although it will be wonderful to meet up with a few Internet friends it’s largely work related and therefore does not hold the existential relaxation possibilities of the Caribbean. Or put another way, it doesn’t revolve around two weeks of beer, cocktails, half-naked women on warm beaches, beer, sunshine, beer and…er…beer.
Quite frankly, the weather in England right now is extremely depressing and I therefore have to discover other things to bolster my spirits. Obviously poker doesn’t really find itself in this category but it can be found in the most unlikely of places.
It occurred when the current Mrs. Snowman was surfing Internet sites this afternoon about diseases (possibly a new hobby) and quite innocently made a remark concerning Chlamydia.
Not wanting to encourage this enterprise I just gave her a nervous smile and made an acquiescent grunt in the hope it gave her the impression I was interested but Surrogate Daughter was more direct.
With complete seriousness, she chirped up and asked:
“Where’s Chlamydia?”
Rather than crack a remark about stupidity or educational abnormalities I saw something else…
This was an opportunity for humiliation that was too good to miss.
“Hmmm…let me think, I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in South America near…um…”
“Columbia?”
“No…Vagina”
At this point I could see the wife winding up for a vicious retaliation so quickly got the punch line in before I received a punch of a far more physical nature.
“It used to be a nice place to visit until it got fucked up. You fly to Clitoris International Airport and head south. It gets a bit damp there sometimes but if you avoid the jungle areas there’s always something to keep you occupied when it clears up”
I noticed the confused look on Surrogate Daughter’s face just before a ballpoint pen went whistling past my ear. Luckily there was nothing heavier within the wife’s reach otherwise she may have taken my head off. Even so, Surrogate Daughter was clearly still puzzled so I tried to assist her with a final nugget of information.
“I’m thinking of going there next year on holiday if I can find someone that does an all-in package”
Mrs. Snowman refrained from any further pitching practice and opted instead for holding her head in her hands and tightening the grip on her hair.
Once more I had a relatively successful day at the poker tables.
The first tournament was one of those funky little 10 FPP things and I got very lucky early on hitting two full houses, a King flush and an Ace high straight to get my chip stack over the 10,000 mark. Things remained static for a while until a couple of high pockets enabled me to steal some blinds and I just squeezed into the money earning a whopping 30 cents.
The second event was a freeroll where the top ninety progressed to a cash tournament on Saturday. I shall not embellish the details of my participation suffice to say that I finished 5th and intend to replicate the feat when real money is at stake.
Fingers, toes, ears and testicles crossed.
Although there was little else to bring a ray of sunshine into my day, a small glimmer managed to worm its way through when I was browsing the Web and found there’s a town in Newfoundland called “Dildo”. I might write to their town council and see if they’d like to be twinned with “Beaver Head” in Idaho.
Although I’m sure these are delightful places to live they don’t have the attraction of the place where I intend to spend at least some time before I retire…
“Wet Beaver Creek” in Arizona.
You don’t want to know what I was searching for when I found it.
Trust me…you really don’t.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.15