Day 159
Having put the embarrassment of yesterday evening to the back of my mind, I managed to get out of bed quite early today and wandered to the kitchen with only the mildest of hangovers prior to organising some breakfast.
For some reason I found the house deserted and had the rare extravagance of a morning meal without an incidental soundtrack of a screaming child or screeching wife. As the morning newspaper was yet to be delivered I settled for the next best thing while I tucked into my cereal…reading the back of the cornflakes box.
I’m sure this is very much a male activity as most of my friends can recite word for word the manufacturers address, a full list of ingredients including all the correct E numbers and the legal bit on the side concerning your statutory rights if you happen to find a dead mouse or human finger mixed in with the standard contents.
However, while I was merrily munching away I also spotted an exciting competition on the back of the packet where three lucky people would be awarded a luxury Caribbean holiday if they could answer a couple of ludicrously simple questions concerning the locations of capital cities. Quite obviously the small print contained an additional “tie breaker” where the eventual winners would be chosen by compiling a slogan (in twenty words or less) as to why XXXXXXX cornflakes would make the ideal breakfast on a top class vacation.
This was just the kind of mental stimulation I needed to jolt the grey matter before inflicting myself on the poker tables. I figured that most of the entrants would be extolling the virtues of cornflakes to such a sycophantic extent that anyone reading it would either immediately send it off to the publicity department or vomit the product straight back into the bowl again.
A different tactic would be required.
So, after a few minutes consideration my short list of slogans ensuring a couple of tickets to the shores of turquoise seas and rum flavoured tax havens were as follows:
I would like to vacation in the Caribbean with XXXXXXX cornflakes because…
(a)…they clear out your bowels out like an industrial laxative after drinking too much beer the previous night.
(b)…staring at a bowl of cereal first thing in the morning is more appealing than looking at the wife.
(c)…XXXXXXX cornflakes are paying for me to go.
(d)…they’re like Caribbean women…they go wet and soggy after you put them in your mouth for a while.
(e)…it’s the fucking Caribbean! What a stupid question.
In order of composition, they’ll probably be rejected because they’re: too accurate, too sexist, too stupid, too rude and too obvious. Although, with the right panel of judges I think (d) might be in with a shot.
Anyway, it may very well have been the provision of such psychological exercise that boded well for today’s poker.
The past few days have been the usual mix of incompetence and stupidity but that changed in the second freeroll of the day…which I won! Rather than a cash reward I secured entry into Saturday’s final so there could be even better news on the horizon.
Bolstered by my newly discovered confidence, I then decided to enter an additional 10cent game and miracle of miracles, even managed to make a 30cent profit in that too!
However, with this level of self confidence I have to be careful. I might over-extend my bravado and do something stupid like trying one of Mrs. Snowman’s beef stews.
Heaven forefend.
I shall probably go out in the morning hunting the local supermarket shelves for cereal packets offering slogan competitions after this, but in anticipation of being unsuccessful I’ve compiled one of my own:
I would go to the Caribbean with the current Mrs. Snowman because…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.67
For some reason I found the house deserted and had the rare extravagance of a morning meal without an incidental soundtrack of a screaming child or screeching wife. As the morning newspaper was yet to be delivered I settled for the next best thing while I tucked into my cereal…reading the back of the cornflakes box.
I’m sure this is very much a male activity as most of my friends can recite word for word the manufacturers address, a full list of ingredients including all the correct E numbers and the legal bit on the side concerning your statutory rights if you happen to find a dead mouse or human finger mixed in with the standard contents.
However, while I was merrily munching away I also spotted an exciting competition on the back of the packet where three lucky people would be awarded a luxury Caribbean holiday if they could answer a couple of ludicrously simple questions concerning the locations of capital cities. Quite obviously the small print contained an additional “tie breaker” where the eventual winners would be chosen by compiling a slogan (in twenty words or less) as to why XXXXXXX cornflakes would make the ideal breakfast on a top class vacation.
This was just the kind of mental stimulation I needed to jolt the grey matter before inflicting myself on the poker tables. I figured that most of the entrants would be extolling the virtues of cornflakes to such a sycophantic extent that anyone reading it would either immediately send it off to the publicity department or vomit the product straight back into the bowl again.
A different tactic would be required.
So, after a few minutes consideration my short list of slogans ensuring a couple of tickets to the shores of turquoise seas and rum flavoured tax havens were as follows:
I would like to vacation in the Caribbean with XXXXXXX cornflakes because…
(a)…they clear out your bowels out like an industrial laxative after drinking too much beer the previous night.
(b)…staring at a bowl of cereal first thing in the morning is more appealing than looking at the wife.
(c)…XXXXXXX cornflakes are paying for me to go.
(d)…they’re like Caribbean women…they go wet and soggy after you put them in your mouth for a while.
(e)…it’s the fucking Caribbean! What a stupid question.
In order of composition, they’ll probably be rejected because they’re: too accurate, too sexist, too stupid, too rude and too obvious. Although, with the right panel of judges I think (d) might be in with a shot.
Anyway, it may very well have been the provision of such psychological exercise that boded well for today’s poker.
The past few days have been the usual mix of incompetence and stupidity but that changed in the second freeroll of the day…which I won! Rather than a cash reward I secured entry into Saturday’s final so there could be even better news on the horizon.
Bolstered by my newly discovered confidence, I then decided to enter an additional 10cent game and miracle of miracles, even managed to make a 30cent profit in that too!
However, with this level of self confidence I have to be careful. I might over-extend my bravado and do something stupid like trying one of Mrs. Snowman’s beef stews.
Heaven forefend.
I shall probably go out in the morning hunting the local supermarket shelves for cereal packets offering slogan competitions after this, but in anticipation of being unsuccessful I’ve compiled one of my own:
I would go to the Caribbean with the current Mrs. Snowman because…
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0.67