Day 44
There are many things in life that simply don’t belong together: Paris Hilton and humility, Catholic priests and young boys, mother-in-laws and sunlight.
However, the biggest mismatch has to be Christmas decorations and cats.
You’ll know from yesterday’s post that a few discreet and tasteful embellishments have been put up to celebrate the Yuletide period. The cat, however, must think it’s Christmas, birthday and Thanksgiving have all come at the same time.
In addition to it’s revolting collection of semi-chewed toys, it now has lots more fun and interesting things to play with: every decoration that is within jumping range.
I awoke this morning to find a scene of glittery chaos.
Tinsel, bunting and garlands that were yesterday pinned to the walls were now liberally distributed around the floor in little piles with a happy looking animal sat in the middle of it merrily chewing the remains of a plastic elf. On his head were metallic strands of a silver garland and from a first glance it looked like the lead singer in a feline Rastafarian glam rock band.
I dived for the festive looking animal like a offensive lineman sacking a quarterback but it was too quick for me and darted from the room with two or three yards of decorations trailing behind it like a sparkly comet.
Several strands of wallpaper were hanging in tatters where the beast had ripped down the decorations and the rest of the day was spent repairing the walls, repainting over the mosaic of paper and tidying the havoc across the carpet.
Several times I noticed the cat peering through the patio doors still wearing a multi-colored Christmas headdress.
I think it’s mocking me.
The neighbors must think I’ve finally gone completely insane and started to decorate household pets in addition to the house.
If it decides to repeat its one cat demolition performance tomorrow, I intend to catch it and serve the fucking thing up for Christmas dinner.
Knowing my luck I’ll probably chock to death on a paw.
Luck, however, was once more on my side during today’s poker…eventually.
The 1c/2c tables had the dubious pleasure of my company and things didn’t start well. The buy-in for these tables is $2 so I extracted that amount and confidently took my place. It wasn’t long before the entire amount was lost and I re-loaded and tried again. And again…and again! Yes, your idiot reporter managed to lose six bucks in the same time frame that most people take to eat their breakfast.
Not unreasonably, I decided to take a break and perform a few menial tasks around the house while I contemplate my losses.
Mrs. Snowman was less than sympathetic to my poker woes and more concerned with the reduction of decorations in the living room. She didn’t believe the cat was responsible and I was made to put up a few replacements while she made dinner.
After our evening meal I invested another $2 and played very tightly, making sensible and reasoned decisions to increase my stack. After a couple of hours I’d recouped my losses and called it a day when a profit of $2.60 was achieved. I felt very proud that I’d turned two bucks into twelve and was in such a good mood I even allowed the cat re-entry without seeking vengeance.
The tactics I shall use tomorrow are simple: play tight, play the odds, make a $2 profit and walk away.
Fingers crossed.
You may be thinking the day ended well but I’m afraid you’d be wrong.
Mrs. Snowman has purchased a large amount of food and associated beverages to see us through the holidays and under normal circumstances this would be sufficient to last until the New Year. Unfortunately, later in the evening she had a desire to relax with a glass of Southern Comfort and Coke. After a few minutes rummaging around in the cupboard she was unable to locate the bottle and politely asked if I knew where it was. The good news: I knew its location precisely; the bad news: I’d already drank it.
A brief discussion followed that resulted in the sofa doubling as a bed.
I didn’t have the balls to tell her that her milk chocolate truffles have already suffered the same fate.
Now that’s going to be a really difficult conversation.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $14.61
However, the biggest mismatch has to be Christmas decorations and cats.
You’ll know from yesterday’s post that a few discreet and tasteful embellishments have been put up to celebrate the Yuletide period. The cat, however, must think it’s Christmas, birthday and Thanksgiving have all come at the same time.
In addition to it’s revolting collection of semi-chewed toys, it now has lots more fun and interesting things to play with: every decoration that is within jumping range.
I awoke this morning to find a scene of glittery chaos.
Tinsel, bunting and garlands that were yesterday pinned to the walls were now liberally distributed around the floor in little piles with a happy looking animal sat in the middle of it merrily chewing the remains of a plastic elf. On his head were metallic strands of a silver garland and from a first glance it looked like the lead singer in a feline Rastafarian glam rock band.
I dived for the festive looking animal like a offensive lineman sacking a quarterback but it was too quick for me and darted from the room with two or three yards of decorations trailing behind it like a sparkly comet.
Several strands of wallpaper were hanging in tatters where the beast had ripped down the decorations and the rest of the day was spent repairing the walls, repainting over the mosaic of paper and tidying the havoc across the carpet.
Several times I noticed the cat peering through the patio doors still wearing a multi-colored Christmas headdress.
I think it’s mocking me.
The neighbors must think I’ve finally gone completely insane and started to decorate household pets in addition to the house.
If it decides to repeat its one cat demolition performance tomorrow, I intend to catch it and serve the fucking thing up for Christmas dinner.
Knowing my luck I’ll probably chock to death on a paw.
Luck, however, was once more on my side during today’s poker…eventually.
The 1c/2c tables had the dubious pleasure of my company and things didn’t start well. The buy-in for these tables is $2 so I extracted that amount and confidently took my place. It wasn’t long before the entire amount was lost and I re-loaded and tried again. And again…and again! Yes, your idiot reporter managed to lose six bucks in the same time frame that most people take to eat their breakfast.
Not unreasonably, I decided to take a break and perform a few menial tasks around the house while I contemplate my losses.
Mrs. Snowman was less than sympathetic to my poker woes and more concerned with the reduction of decorations in the living room. She didn’t believe the cat was responsible and I was made to put up a few replacements while she made dinner.
After our evening meal I invested another $2 and played very tightly, making sensible and reasoned decisions to increase my stack. After a couple of hours I’d recouped my losses and called it a day when a profit of $2.60 was achieved. I felt very proud that I’d turned two bucks into twelve and was in such a good mood I even allowed the cat re-entry without seeking vengeance.
The tactics I shall use tomorrow are simple: play tight, play the odds, make a $2 profit and walk away.
Fingers crossed.
You may be thinking the day ended well but I’m afraid you’d be wrong.
Mrs. Snowman has purchased a large amount of food and associated beverages to see us through the holidays and under normal circumstances this would be sufficient to last until the New Year. Unfortunately, later in the evening she had a desire to relax with a glass of Southern Comfort and Coke. After a few minutes rummaging around in the cupboard she was unable to locate the bottle and politely asked if I knew where it was. The good news: I knew its location precisely; the bad news: I’d already drank it.
A brief discussion followed that resulted in the sofa doubling as a bed.
I didn’t have the balls to tell her that her milk chocolate truffles have already suffered the same fate.
Now that’s going to be a really difficult conversation.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $14.61