Day 57
I’ve got a virus.
Although I remain as healthy as my alcohol and cigarette intake allows, my laptop is feeling extremely unwell.
In the course of building the new website I’ve downloaded all manner of programs and add-ons. One of these obviously contained something it shouldn’t. Bear in mind that by this time the web site was more or less finished. By some miracle I’d managed to design and build a site that I was happy with and, apart from finding a strip poker program that would allow me free access, is virtually complete. I’d spent days toiling over it, getting all the hyperlinks properly embedded and the frames all in their correct locations. I saved it, and the computer went haywire.
Things were disappearing from the screen before my eyes. I had no option but to turn it off completely which meant that none of my work would be retained.
A telephone call to a friend cured the problem after he turned up with a suitcase full of discs and programs. A proper virus protection shield was installed and I started again from scratch. With a couple of late nights and the screaming of every profanity known to man the new site should be up and running by the weekend. Assuming that no more viruses find their way into my hard drive, of course.
The computer virus is obviously a modern phenomenon but it’s one that I really can’t understand. They are deliberately placed by evil little shits with no purpose other than to create havoc in someone else’s machine. Although prison sentences are increasing for these morons (particularly in America) I have other suggestions for punishment.
Judges could either condemn them to twenty minutes in a small room with the recipients of their endeavors or give them a six-month term to work in a cat sanctuary being supervised by my mother-in-law. They’d be pleading for a twenty-year prison term incarcerated in a cell with a gay, three hundred pound, bottom-loving felon.
The only positive aspect of this affair was that all the potentially embarrassing sites have been wiped from the computer memory that I may have accessed for research purposes. I don’t mean that I’m worried about Mrs. Snowman inadvertently coming across such educational pages as ‘Big and Bouncy Latin Babes’ or ‘SuckmyPlums.com’ but I am concerned about some of the others.
I’m not sure how I would explain a surfing history of ‘Farting Through the Ages - A Social History’ or “101 Ways to Dye Your Pubic Hair”.
Talking of which, I found a pubis in the toothpaste this morning.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to delve into this one any further, I’d just like to know how the hell it got there.
On second thoughts…no I don’t.
You’ll be delighted to hear I actually played some poker today!
It was very strange; I played for nearly three hours and left the table with the exact amount I started with. I’m still unable to play the freeroll tomorrow, as the 1c/2c tables don’t generate a sufficient rake to gain any player points. I shall try to increase my bankroll tomorrow in order to gain enough points to play the tournaments so I only hope the donks will take a day off.
Following on from last night’s cat decoration, the mother-in-law came home early today and was greeted by a perfectly normal looking feline. I don’t know how the cat managed it, but this morning when I woke up all traces of its newly acquired green ears had gone. I can only assume it either got another cat to lick it off (insert your own gag here) or it wandered around outside for a while in the rain and got a shower (far more likely).
I might follow its example and have a shower later today and use the wife’s moisturizing soap to cleanse myself…and try to leave a pube or two on it.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.76
Although I remain as healthy as my alcohol and cigarette intake allows, my laptop is feeling extremely unwell.
In the course of building the new website I’ve downloaded all manner of programs and add-ons. One of these obviously contained something it shouldn’t. Bear in mind that by this time the web site was more or less finished. By some miracle I’d managed to design and build a site that I was happy with and, apart from finding a strip poker program that would allow me free access, is virtually complete. I’d spent days toiling over it, getting all the hyperlinks properly embedded and the frames all in their correct locations. I saved it, and the computer went haywire.
Things were disappearing from the screen before my eyes. I had no option but to turn it off completely which meant that none of my work would be retained.
A telephone call to a friend cured the problem after he turned up with a suitcase full of discs and programs. A proper virus protection shield was installed and I started again from scratch. With a couple of late nights and the screaming of every profanity known to man the new site should be up and running by the weekend. Assuming that no more viruses find their way into my hard drive, of course.
The computer virus is obviously a modern phenomenon but it’s one that I really can’t understand. They are deliberately placed by evil little shits with no purpose other than to create havoc in someone else’s machine. Although prison sentences are increasing for these morons (particularly in America) I have other suggestions for punishment.
Judges could either condemn them to twenty minutes in a small room with the recipients of their endeavors or give them a six-month term to work in a cat sanctuary being supervised by my mother-in-law. They’d be pleading for a twenty-year prison term incarcerated in a cell with a gay, three hundred pound, bottom-loving felon.
The only positive aspect of this affair was that all the potentially embarrassing sites have been wiped from the computer memory that I may have accessed for research purposes. I don’t mean that I’m worried about Mrs. Snowman inadvertently coming across such educational pages as ‘Big and Bouncy Latin Babes’ or ‘SuckmyPlums.com’ but I am concerned about some of the others.
I’m not sure how I would explain a surfing history of ‘Farting Through the Ages - A Social History’ or “101 Ways to Dye Your Pubic Hair”.
Talking of which, I found a pubis in the toothpaste this morning.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to delve into this one any further, I’d just like to know how the hell it got there.
On second thoughts…no I don’t.
You’ll be delighted to hear I actually played some poker today!
It was very strange; I played for nearly three hours and left the table with the exact amount I started with. I’m still unable to play the freeroll tomorrow, as the 1c/2c tables don’t generate a sufficient rake to gain any player points. I shall try to increase my bankroll tomorrow in order to gain enough points to play the tournaments so I only hope the donks will take a day off.
Following on from last night’s cat decoration, the mother-in-law came home early today and was greeted by a perfectly normal looking feline. I don’t know how the cat managed it, but this morning when I woke up all traces of its newly acquired green ears had gone. I can only assume it either got another cat to lick it off (insert your own gag here) or it wandered around outside for a while in the rain and got a shower (far more likely).
I might follow its example and have a shower later today and use the wife’s moisturizing soap to cleanse myself…and try to leave a pube or two on it.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.76