Day 68
You may remember when I started the decoration on the living room I somehow managed to remove a large chunk of ceiling with a hammer and got myself into big trouble?
Well, due to my inability to re-start the decorating after yesterday’s interlude to the pub (again), I started on another ground floor room this morning…
And this time I’m in really big trouble.
Things started quite well with more trash being loaded into boxes and either carted upstairs for storage or taken outside for refuse collection. I managed to create a space large enough to reach one of the walls and stacked everything else up against the opposite wall.
There is a fireplace in the middle of this havoc, which, although no longer used, is still technically functional. I enquired as to when the chimney was last swept and was told by mother-in-law:
“Swept? I’m not sure it ever has been”
Hmmm, so it may be a little dusty.
Ok, no problem, I shall just block it off, get rid of the hearth and the finished article will have a pretty flower arrangement where the fire used to be.
I have a wire brush with which to get rid of some of the grime and placed sheets of newspaper around the visible floor area in case a light dusting of soot sprinkled the near proximity.
Rather than attacking the job with gusto and vigor I decided it was better to take the gentle approach and placidly tapped the back of the chimney.
Several years’ worth of soot and associated grime avalanched into the room.
This was not good as I was sat directly underneath it.
Daylight was completely blotted out, not least because a large percentage of the chimney’s previous contents now covered me from head to foot. I looked like a startled version of Don King and felt like a negative of the abominable snowman. After some coughing and spluttering I opened my eyes and surveyed the damage.
The previous ceiling mishap was heart-warming memory in relation to this. It would be like comparing a small paper cut to sawing off your own arm.
I had a slight inclination that this would take a little longer than I initially thought but even in the midst of this bedlam there was a spark of good news: most of this stuff now had no option but to be thrown out.
Assuming there was nothing remaining that could fall into the room, I shrugged, twisted round to look up the flue and tried to assess if I’d caused any long-term damage. Everything was fine except that a few remnants were still cascading down.
I flicked my cigarette lighter to illuminate the darkness and get a better view.
A dead bird fell on my head.
Not one of my better days.
I’ve ordered a refuse skip from a local hire company to get rid of everything that is currently in the room and expect to re-commence my work tomorrow.
Luckily the door was closed, thereby preventing the entire house from receiving the same treatment but I still had to get up the stairs to clean myself.
This left me with two possibilities: Option1: Run up as quickly as possible and then clean up the trail of soot afterwards, or Option 2: Strip my clothes off, leave my clothes where they are and walk naked to the bathroom.
I chose Option 2 and was relieved beyond belief to find the Surrogate Daughter had taken the kid for a trip to the shops.
Even though it took over an hour to scrub the bathroom back to its previous state, by the time everyone was sat down for his or her evening meal only I was aware of the disaster.
You may be thinking that I neglected my duties at the poker tables today but amazingly I managed to play one of the freerolls. In itself this is an achievement considering what happened, so being knocked out in the first ten minutes with two pair wasn’t altogether unexpected. Maybe fate has set aside tomorrow for a cash-in.
Today was also one of note for Surrogate Daughter and more accurately Small Child.
It took its first steps.
All the females were bouncing around and cheering like it had just won the Boston marathon. They all considered it to be an achievement of biblical proportions.
If that’s the case, why don’t they applaud me when I manage to walk in a straight line after drinking half a bottle of Southern Comfort?
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0
Well, due to my inability to re-start the decorating after yesterday’s interlude to the pub (again), I started on another ground floor room this morning…
And this time I’m in really big trouble.
Things started quite well with more trash being loaded into boxes and either carted upstairs for storage or taken outside for refuse collection. I managed to create a space large enough to reach one of the walls and stacked everything else up against the opposite wall.
There is a fireplace in the middle of this havoc, which, although no longer used, is still technically functional. I enquired as to when the chimney was last swept and was told by mother-in-law:
“Swept? I’m not sure it ever has been”
Hmmm, so it may be a little dusty.
Ok, no problem, I shall just block it off, get rid of the hearth and the finished article will have a pretty flower arrangement where the fire used to be.
I have a wire brush with which to get rid of some of the grime and placed sheets of newspaper around the visible floor area in case a light dusting of soot sprinkled the near proximity.
Rather than attacking the job with gusto and vigor I decided it was better to take the gentle approach and placidly tapped the back of the chimney.
Several years’ worth of soot and associated grime avalanched into the room.
This was not good as I was sat directly underneath it.
Daylight was completely blotted out, not least because a large percentage of the chimney’s previous contents now covered me from head to foot. I looked like a startled version of Don King and felt like a negative of the abominable snowman. After some coughing and spluttering I opened my eyes and surveyed the damage.
The previous ceiling mishap was heart-warming memory in relation to this. It would be like comparing a small paper cut to sawing off your own arm.
I had a slight inclination that this would take a little longer than I initially thought but even in the midst of this bedlam there was a spark of good news: most of this stuff now had no option but to be thrown out.
Assuming there was nothing remaining that could fall into the room, I shrugged, twisted round to look up the flue and tried to assess if I’d caused any long-term damage. Everything was fine except that a few remnants were still cascading down.
I flicked my cigarette lighter to illuminate the darkness and get a better view.
A dead bird fell on my head.
Not one of my better days.
I’ve ordered a refuse skip from a local hire company to get rid of everything that is currently in the room and expect to re-commence my work tomorrow.
Luckily the door was closed, thereby preventing the entire house from receiving the same treatment but I still had to get up the stairs to clean myself.
This left me with two possibilities: Option1: Run up as quickly as possible and then clean up the trail of soot afterwards, or Option 2: Strip my clothes off, leave my clothes where they are and walk naked to the bathroom.
I chose Option 2 and was relieved beyond belief to find the Surrogate Daughter had taken the kid for a trip to the shops.
Even though it took over an hour to scrub the bathroom back to its previous state, by the time everyone was sat down for his or her evening meal only I was aware of the disaster.
You may be thinking that I neglected my duties at the poker tables today but amazingly I managed to play one of the freerolls. In itself this is an achievement considering what happened, so being knocked out in the first ten minutes with two pair wasn’t altogether unexpected. Maybe fate has set aside tomorrow for a cash-in.
Today was also one of note for Surrogate Daughter and more accurately Small Child.
It took its first steps.
All the females were bouncing around and cheering like it had just won the Boston marathon. They all considered it to be an achievement of biblical proportions.
If that’s the case, why don’t they applaud me when I manage to walk in a straight line after drinking half a bottle of Southern Comfort?
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0
