Day 77
Today was one of my favorite days of the year…Superbowl Sunday.
Many of you may find it strange that as an Englishman I enjoy American football but I can assure you I absolutely love it. I’ve been an aficionado of the game for about twenty years and although it’s nowhere near as enjoyable as cricket, rugby or baseball I am still an avid viewer.
Obviously I don’t play such physically demanding sports but nonetheless find them fascinating to participate as a spectator. Of course, I still keep myself active and have a rigorous exercise regime.
I do sit-ups (I sit up in the morning and lie down again at night).
I do weightlifting (beer cans and bourbon. For heavier weights I pour myself a double).
I do press-ups (lifting the TV remote control and pressing the buttons during the commercial breaks in movies).
And of course I run (usually to the toilet a couple of hours after one of Mrs. Snowman’s more spiteful curries).
To compensate for my athletic shortcomings I try to keep my mind as active as I can. This usually entails keeping one step ahead of the cat and trying to second-guess what vile things it’s going to do in order to fuck up my day. I’m usually successful in this endeavor but it came up with a new one this afternoon.
For some reason known only to them, Mrs. Snowman and Surrogate Daughter leave little bundles of clothes around the house. An item of clothing is removed, dropped on the floor and left there. This can then be added to over the following few hours until it becomes a pile. Only when the pile has become too large to safely walk around is it removed to become the foundation of a much larger pile in the bedroom. When I first met the wife I would spend most of the day picking up clothes but soon learned the futility of it, as it’s effectively a never-ending task.
The cat has discovered another use for these mounds of clothing.
They make great hiding places.
A cat-sized pile of clothing was resting on the stairs that I had to step over on a trip to the bathroom. At the exact moment my foot was hovering in mid air, the cat sprang out from underneath it and scared the living shit out of me.
I took instinctive evasive action and stepped back. Well; I would have done if I were on flat surface. I fell backwards into the hall and only a last second lunge for the banister prevented me landing on my arse. If anyone had seen it I would probably have got quite high marks for technical merit and artistic impression.
Luckily, I was only on the second stair, any further up and I could easily be writing this entry from a hospital bed.
I now have to gently prod each pile with the tip of my toes to ensure it won’t suddenly come alive amidst a storm of spitting and claws.
I have therefore requested that mother-in-law purchase one of those cat collars with a bell on it so that I’ll have some warning of where the fucking thing is.
The awkward part will be catching the animal so that it can be attached.
My time at the online poker tables has been equally difficult. I now only enter one freeroll a day for $100 and have to make the top 25 to get into the money. This is very, very difficult. I played today’s event for three hours and finished in 83rd place. Unless I get really unlucky in the early stages I can usually make the last 100 so have to figure out a way of taking the next step.
All suggestions will be gratefully received as once more I managed to finish outside the money.
On a completely unrelated subject I was visiting the bathroom earlier today in order to re-color my goatee, and discovered I’d almost run out of bright blue hair dye. Luckily I have a back-up supply of bright red so thought I’d give that a shot. Coupled with the existing sapphire color, my facial hair is now a dark purple.
To be honest I kind of like it.
Mrs. Snowman on the other hand wasn’t quite so enthusiastic.
She reacted like I was balancing a dead chipmunk on my top lip.
And people say that clouds don’t have silver linings.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0
Many of you may find it strange that as an Englishman I enjoy American football but I can assure you I absolutely love it. I’ve been an aficionado of the game for about twenty years and although it’s nowhere near as enjoyable as cricket, rugby or baseball I am still an avid viewer.
Obviously I don’t play such physically demanding sports but nonetheless find them fascinating to participate as a spectator. Of course, I still keep myself active and have a rigorous exercise regime.
I do sit-ups (I sit up in the morning and lie down again at night).
I do weightlifting (beer cans and bourbon. For heavier weights I pour myself a double).
I do press-ups (lifting the TV remote control and pressing the buttons during the commercial breaks in movies).
And of course I run (usually to the toilet a couple of hours after one of Mrs. Snowman’s more spiteful curries).
To compensate for my athletic shortcomings I try to keep my mind as active as I can. This usually entails keeping one step ahead of the cat and trying to second-guess what vile things it’s going to do in order to fuck up my day. I’m usually successful in this endeavor but it came up with a new one this afternoon.
For some reason known only to them, Mrs. Snowman and Surrogate Daughter leave little bundles of clothes around the house. An item of clothing is removed, dropped on the floor and left there. This can then be added to over the following few hours until it becomes a pile. Only when the pile has become too large to safely walk around is it removed to become the foundation of a much larger pile in the bedroom. When I first met the wife I would spend most of the day picking up clothes but soon learned the futility of it, as it’s effectively a never-ending task.
The cat has discovered another use for these mounds of clothing.
They make great hiding places.
A cat-sized pile of clothing was resting on the stairs that I had to step over on a trip to the bathroom. At the exact moment my foot was hovering in mid air, the cat sprang out from underneath it and scared the living shit out of me.
I took instinctive evasive action and stepped back. Well; I would have done if I were on flat surface. I fell backwards into the hall and only a last second lunge for the banister prevented me landing on my arse. If anyone had seen it I would probably have got quite high marks for technical merit and artistic impression.
Luckily, I was only on the second stair, any further up and I could easily be writing this entry from a hospital bed.
I now have to gently prod each pile with the tip of my toes to ensure it won’t suddenly come alive amidst a storm of spitting and claws.
I have therefore requested that mother-in-law purchase one of those cat collars with a bell on it so that I’ll have some warning of where the fucking thing is.
The awkward part will be catching the animal so that it can be attached.
My time at the online poker tables has been equally difficult. I now only enter one freeroll a day for $100 and have to make the top 25 to get into the money. This is very, very difficult. I played today’s event for three hours and finished in 83rd place. Unless I get really unlucky in the early stages I can usually make the last 100 so have to figure out a way of taking the next step.
All suggestions will be gratefully received as once more I managed to finish outside the money.
On a completely unrelated subject I was visiting the bathroom earlier today in order to re-color my goatee, and discovered I’d almost run out of bright blue hair dye. Luckily I have a back-up supply of bright red so thought I’d give that a shot. Coupled with the existing sapphire color, my facial hair is now a dark purple.
To be honest I kind of like it.
Mrs. Snowman on the other hand wasn’t quite so enthusiastic.
She reacted like I was balancing a dead chipmunk on my top lip.
And people say that clouds don’t have silver linings.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $0