Day 88
I don’t know much about cars.
I know how to drive them but that’s about as far as it goes. This morning I was called upon my Mrs. Snowman to reveal the extent of my knowledge as her car wouldn’t start.
My initial explanation of how a vehicle works wasn’t that helpful. I pointed out that you sit in the drivers seat, turn the ignition key, witchcraft happens somewhere in the engine bay and you drive off.
Still bleary-eyed from my customary three hours of sleep, this was not really the way I wanted to start my day. After climbing into a pair of jogging pants and pulling a sweatshirt over my head (the wrong way round) I trudged into the chilly morning air and tried to fire the thing into life. Sure enough, no matter how many times I turned the key, absolutely nothing happened apart from a very worrying ticking noise.
At this point I performed the standard male action to continue the diagnosis: opening the hood and peering around at the various engine components. I pursed and nodded in a wise manner before stepping back, pausing for dramatic effect and giving Mrs. Snowman my educated opinion.
“Hmmm…it’s fucked”
Whhhhaaaccccck!
Her handbag hit the back of my head with such force that it jolted my head forward into the front of the open bonnet with a resounding clang.
The bruise will disappear after a couple of days but the satisfaction will remain with me for weeks.
I wouldn’t know the difference between an engine that powers a particle beam accelerator or a washing machine but the cause of the malfunction was pretty obvious even to me.
She’d left the headlights on all night and drained the battery.
As the wife doesn’t have either a battery charger or jumper cables to rectify the problem she has to call on the services of a co-worker to collect her and drag her off to their place of employment. I was left with the task of getting the car functional before she returned. In the meantime I took my newly acquired symmetrical bruises back to bed.
I dozed for a couple of hours before calling the services of a mobile mechanic and getting down to the far more important task of playing some Online poker.
In many respects I’d have been better off trying to struggle with the mysteries of the car engine.
Initially I invested $8.50 in two tournaments only to find myself eliminated after receiving some horrific hole cards. I think the best I got was Q-10 suited for more than an hour before getting pocket Aces. I went all-in, got called by 9-10 suited and lost to a flush on the river.
Turning my attention to the 2c/5c tables I made a swift $6.90 profit and decided to cash in for the day having lost a total of $1.67. I intend to hit another couple of tournaments tomorrow before having a go at the 5c/10c tables. Basically it’s going to be shit or bust…I’ve got the toilet paper ready.
During the afternoon I had a long chat with the mechanic.
Although Mrs. Snowman had indeed drained all life from the battery by inadvertently leaving the headlights on, there was another problem that couldn’t be fixed by throwing in a new battery. It seems that the starter motor (whatever the hell that is) has committed suicide and needs to be replaced.
For the second successive day the wife has mugged my bank account but there can be no doubt that my well-considered prognosis was in some way both concise and accurate.
The engine may indeed have needed the services of a professional but at least I can sleep safely in the knowledge that I got something right.
It was fucked.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $24.84
I know how to drive them but that’s about as far as it goes. This morning I was called upon my Mrs. Snowman to reveal the extent of my knowledge as her car wouldn’t start.
My initial explanation of how a vehicle works wasn’t that helpful. I pointed out that you sit in the drivers seat, turn the ignition key, witchcraft happens somewhere in the engine bay and you drive off.
Still bleary-eyed from my customary three hours of sleep, this was not really the way I wanted to start my day. After climbing into a pair of jogging pants and pulling a sweatshirt over my head (the wrong way round) I trudged into the chilly morning air and tried to fire the thing into life. Sure enough, no matter how many times I turned the key, absolutely nothing happened apart from a very worrying ticking noise.
At this point I performed the standard male action to continue the diagnosis: opening the hood and peering around at the various engine components. I pursed and nodded in a wise manner before stepping back, pausing for dramatic effect and giving Mrs. Snowman my educated opinion.
“Hmmm…it’s fucked”
Whhhhaaaccccck!
Her handbag hit the back of my head with such force that it jolted my head forward into the front of the open bonnet with a resounding clang.
The bruise will disappear after a couple of days but the satisfaction will remain with me for weeks.
I wouldn’t know the difference between an engine that powers a particle beam accelerator or a washing machine but the cause of the malfunction was pretty obvious even to me.
She’d left the headlights on all night and drained the battery.
As the wife doesn’t have either a battery charger or jumper cables to rectify the problem she has to call on the services of a co-worker to collect her and drag her off to their place of employment. I was left with the task of getting the car functional before she returned. In the meantime I took my newly acquired symmetrical bruises back to bed.
I dozed for a couple of hours before calling the services of a mobile mechanic and getting down to the far more important task of playing some Online poker.
In many respects I’d have been better off trying to struggle with the mysteries of the car engine.
Initially I invested $8.50 in two tournaments only to find myself eliminated after receiving some horrific hole cards. I think the best I got was Q-10 suited for more than an hour before getting pocket Aces. I went all-in, got called by 9-10 suited and lost to a flush on the river.
Turning my attention to the 2c/5c tables I made a swift $6.90 profit and decided to cash in for the day having lost a total of $1.67. I intend to hit another couple of tournaments tomorrow before having a go at the 5c/10c tables. Basically it’s going to be shit or bust…I’ve got the toilet paper ready.
During the afternoon I had a long chat with the mechanic.
Although Mrs. Snowman had indeed drained all life from the battery by inadvertently leaving the headlights on, there was another problem that couldn’t be fixed by throwing in a new battery. It seems that the starter motor (whatever the hell that is) has committed suicide and needs to be replaced.
For the second successive day the wife has mugged my bank account but there can be no doubt that my well-considered prognosis was in some way both concise and accurate.
The engine may indeed have needed the services of a professional but at least I can sleep safely in the knowledge that I got something right.
It was fucked.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $24.84