Day 92
After yesterday’s disastrous shopping trip I was hoping for a quiet and trouble free day relaxing with a couple of movies and some dazzling play on the Internet poker tables.
Not a chance.
The main reason for this is an object that has managed to keep itself under the radar for the past couple of weeks…the cat.
It’s worked out a new and particularly devious method of tormenting me.
It started last night when I was in my usual spot happily sat on the sofa tapping away on the laptop. The animal was meowing loudly and scratching at the door to indicate it needed to be let out. After eyeing it distastefully, I stopped what I was writing, got up and opened the front door for it. On my return to the living room I noticed a familiar odor wafting gently from the direction of the kitchen so turned the light on to investigate further.
The cat had done a huge crap adjacent to the dishwasher.
My instinctive reaction was to immediately find the beast, but of course I’d just let the damn thing out. This meant it had deliberately emptied its bowels and made me an accessory after the fact by aiding its escape.
I had no option but to clear it up before I could continue with what I was doing.
After completing the disgusting task, I made a quick search to ensure there wasn’t another one lurking anywhere and returned to my previous position on the sofa.
Even though the front door was firmly closed, the cat somehow managed to get back in the house (probably through an open window somewhere) and sat staring at me from around the corner of the living room. It started to make a few cat noises and not wanting a repeat performance I opened the front door again. It went past me in a wide arc and slinked back outside again.
I’d left the kitchen light on from my previous visit and couldn’t miss what faced me as it was directly in my line of sight.
The bastard had laid another turd in exactly the same place.
My time at the poke tables today was only slightly less disastrous than it was with the cat. Once more I thought the 1c/2c tables would prove to be the vehicle that would propel me to poker stardom, and as usual I was completely wrong in my assumption. Not wanting to completely eliminate the funds from my account, I decided to invest $4 and spend a couple of hours studiously doubling up every twenty hands or so; well, that was the idea. In reality I lost half of it in the first five minutes to a higher flush after re-raising on the turn and the remainder of it three hands later when I tried to bluff an over-pair on the river.
Luckily, my sponsor is due to replenish my account first thing in the morning so I won’t be left staring soulfully at a computer screen as other players merrily bet their little hearts out without my participation.
I think I shall try a higher value tournament that should hopefully provide a much higher return. Either that or I’ll make a fool of myself in the first ten minutes and be sick for the rest of the day; which leads me neatly back to the other events of the day.
Now, I’ve checked a couple of academic websites to discover more about the digestive systems of an average household cat and I can find no physiological reason why it would need to take two shits in such a short space of time. Moreover, I can’t figure out how it managed to do them without eating at least another three tins of cat food.
Correctly assuming I was now prepared to take drastic measures against it, the beast remained outside for the rest of the night (unless it was hiding somewhere in another room) but when I finally get my hands on the thing, I’ll make 'Pet Cemetery' will look like 'Bambi'.
The problem I have is that when everyone gets up in the morning, there will be no trace of the cat’s pooing activities during the night, although there may be a couple of questions as to where two rolls of toilet paper have disappeared.
Short of setting up some kind of hidden video surveillance system there is no real evidence with which to condemn the cat. However, I have another option open to me by which to exact some revenge.
When the rest of the household is safely asleep in bed tonight I’m going to creep into the kitchen, pull my pants down and shit in the cat’s food bowl.
The only flaw in this plan is that if the revolting creature decides to eat it, I could be in real trouble when it comes out the other end.
I’m almost willing to take the risk.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.81
Not a chance.
The main reason for this is an object that has managed to keep itself under the radar for the past couple of weeks…the cat.
It’s worked out a new and particularly devious method of tormenting me.
It started last night when I was in my usual spot happily sat on the sofa tapping away on the laptop. The animal was meowing loudly and scratching at the door to indicate it needed to be let out. After eyeing it distastefully, I stopped what I was writing, got up and opened the front door for it. On my return to the living room I noticed a familiar odor wafting gently from the direction of the kitchen so turned the light on to investigate further.
The cat had done a huge crap adjacent to the dishwasher.
My instinctive reaction was to immediately find the beast, but of course I’d just let the damn thing out. This meant it had deliberately emptied its bowels and made me an accessory after the fact by aiding its escape.
I had no option but to clear it up before I could continue with what I was doing.
After completing the disgusting task, I made a quick search to ensure there wasn’t another one lurking anywhere and returned to my previous position on the sofa.
Even though the front door was firmly closed, the cat somehow managed to get back in the house (probably through an open window somewhere) and sat staring at me from around the corner of the living room. It started to make a few cat noises and not wanting a repeat performance I opened the front door again. It went past me in a wide arc and slinked back outside again.
I’d left the kitchen light on from my previous visit and couldn’t miss what faced me as it was directly in my line of sight.
The bastard had laid another turd in exactly the same place.
My time at the poke tables today was only slightly less disastrous than it was with the cat. Once more I thought the 1c/2c tables would prove to be the vehicle that would propel me to poker stardom, and as usual I was completely wrong in my assumption. Not wanting to completely eliminate the funds from my account, I decided to invest $4 and spend a couple of hours studiously doubling up every twenty hands or so; well, that was the idea. In reality I lost half of it in the first five minutes to a higher flush after re-raising on the turn and the remainder of it three hands later when I tried to bluff an over-pair on the river.
Luckily, my sponsor is due to replenish my account first thing in the morning so I won’t be left staring soulfully at a computer screen as other players merrily bet their little hearts out without my participation.
I think I shall try a higher value tournament that should hopefully provide a much higher return. Either that or I’ll make a fool of myself in the first ten minutes and be sick for the rest of the day; which leads me neatly back to the other events of the day.
Now, I’ve checked a couple of academic websites to discover more about the digestive systems of an average household cat and I can find no physiological reason why it would need to take two shits in such a short space of time. Moreover, I can’t figure out how it managed to do them without eating at least another three tins of cat food.
Correctly assuming I was now prepared to take drastic measures against it, the beast remained outside for the rest of the night (unless it was hiding somewhere in another room) but when I finally get my hands on the thing, I’ll make 'Pet Cemetery' will look like 'Bambi'.
The problem I have is that when everyone gets up in the morning, there will be no trace of the cat’s pooing activities during the night, although there may be a couple of questions as to where two rolls of toilet paper have disappeared.
Short of setting up some kind of hidden video surveillance system there is no real evidence with which to condemn the cat. However, I have another option open to me by which to exact some revenge.
When the rest of the household is safely asleep in bed tonight I’m going to creep into the kitchen, pull my pants down and shit in the cat’s food bowl.
The only flaw in this plan is that if the revolting creature decides to eat it, I could be in real trouble when it comes out the other end.
I’m almost willing to take the risk.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $1.81