Day 93
I’m delighted to tell you that yesterday’s nastiness with the cat has not been repeated in any way. In fact, I’ve hardly seen the thing all day and that has to be a huge bonus whatever way I look at it.
Indeed, when I got out of bed this morning, the house was deserted. Mrs. Snowman and mother-in-law had both departed for work and Surrogate Daughter had taken Small Child out to purchase something from one of the seemingly increasing number of baby shops in the city.
In other words I had a rare opportunity to have what kindergarten teachers refer to as “quiet time”.
While this atypical state of affairs existed I thought I’d cook myself some breakfast and then eat it leisurely in front of the television. I’m sure you remember my last attempt at cookery didn’t exactly turn out as planned but this time I had no intention of being so ambitious and was sure I’d be ok.
I figured even I couldn’t fuck up something as easy a cheese omelet.
I located the eggs and a lump of cheese hiding in the back of the fridge and set to work.
The first couple of eggs were boldly cracked on the edge of a mixing bowl and I began to whisk it into the desired consistency. Only then did I notice that a large proportion of shell had also found its way into the bowl.
I threw it away and started again.
This time the mixture turned out perfectly, I poured it into a very hot pan and began to grate the cheese over the top. Only when I started to use the spatula to transfer it onto a plate did I realize my next error.
Having forgotten to first put any oil in the frying pan, the mixture stuck like glue to the surface and systematically disintegrated into a cheesy mess that looked more like a scrambled egg made by a demented scientist. The more I frantically tried to remove the composition the worse it became.
I would have eaten it but bits of the non-stick coating had also managed to merge with the concoction making it very unappetizing. Unsure of the toxic properties of Teflon, I took the whole lot into the garden and scraped it off into a flowerbed.
Having exhausted the available egg supply I got myself a bowl of cornflakes instead and flopped moodily on the sofa.
Later in the day, after watching an entire movie without the high pitched accompaniment of a screaming child, I raced easily through a couple of pages of writing before a key turned in the front door and the peace and quiet was shattered.
Surrogate Daughter had bought several bag loads of baby things and then insisted on showing me every single purchase with a detailed individual explanation. I tried very hard to appear interested but as I would rather have been shown a collection of stuffed crocodiles I soon feigned a requirement to visit the toilet and sat there for twenty minutes with a poker magazine. By the time I returned, Small Child had reverted back to its usual behavior and was causing its mother so many problems that exhibiting baby clothes was the last thing on her mind.
One small point though, Small Child is now the proud owner of a pair of shoes that cost more than the last ones I bought for myself. As if this wasn’t bad enough, I was informed (quite seriously) they would have a useable life span of less than three months. She might consider painting her feet back and tying a shoelace around her ankles instead.
There was also a notable event in today’s poker.
I was contacted by a poker forum to take part in their monthly tournament. The site paid my entrance fee and put a bounty on my head of 88 Euros (what else?) to the person who knocked me out. Even though I lasted over an hour, I was nowhere near the money but stuck around till the end to chat to everyone and crack plenty of very questionable gags. I had a great time and with any luck the event will be repeated next month.
On my own quest for poker immortality, I managed to play a few rounds at a 5c/10c table and would have taken my personal bankroll down to virtually nothing if my newly found sponsor hadn’t deposited a few weeks worth of funding. I still lost $9.95 in record time though.
Reverting back to my earlier kitchen mishap, I thought it best to make a trip to the local store to replace the eggs that are currently rotting in the garden. The idea was that Mrs. Snowman would be none the wiser if half a dozen eggs were in the same place as they were when she left. Unfortunately, when I opened the door to get back in, the cat was coming the other way and I tripped over the little bugger and dropped them on the hall carpet.
I might finally be going mad but I could have sworn I heard it giggling when I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the mess.
Either that or it was eating my cookery from the flowerbed.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $71.86
Indeed, when I got out of bed this morning, the house was deserted. Mrs. Snowman and mother-in-law had both departed for work and Surrogate Daughter had taken Small Child out to purchase something from one of the seemingly increasing number of baby shops in the city.
In other words I had a rare opportunity to have what kindergarten teachers refer to as “quiet time”.
While this atypical state of affairs existed I thought I’d cook myself some breakfast and then eat it leisurely in front of the television. I’m sure you remember my last attempt at cookery didn’t exactly turn out as planned but this time I had no intention of being so ambitious and was sure I’d be ok.
I figured even I couldn’t fuck up something as easy a cheese omelet.
I located the eggs and a lump of cheese hiding in the back of the fridge and set to work.
The first couple of eggs were boldly cracked on the edge of a mixing bowl and I began to whisk it into the desired consistency. Only then did I notice that a large proportion of shell had also found its way into the bowl.
I threw it away and started again.
This time the mixture turned out perfectly, I poured it into a very hot pan and began to grate the cheese over the top. Only when I started to use the spatula to transfer it onto a plate did I realize my next error.
Having forgotten to first put any oil in the frying pan, the mixture stuck like glue to the surface and systematically disintegrated into a cheesy mess that looked more like a scrambled egg made by a demented scientist. The more I frantically tried to remove the composition the worse it became.
I would have eaten it but bits of the non-stick coating had also managed to merge with the concoction making it very unappetizing. Unsure of the toxic properties of Teflon, I took the whole lot into the garden and scraped it off into a flowerbed.
Having exhausted the available egg supply I got myself a bowl of cornflakes instead and flopped moodily on the sofa.
Later in the day, after watching an entire movie without the high pitched accompaniment of a screaming child, I raced easily through a couple of pages of writing before a key turned in the front door and the peace and quiet was shattered.
Surrogate Daughter had bought several bag loads of baby things and then insisted on showing me every single purchase with a detailed individual explanation. I tried very hard to appear interested but as I would rather have been shown a collection of stuffed crocodiles I soon feigned a requirement to visit the toilet and sat there for twenty minutes with a poker magazine. By the time I returned, Small Child had reverted back to its usual behavior and was causing its mother so many problems that exhibiting baby clothes was the last thing on her mind.
One small point though, Small Child is now the proud owner of a pair of shoes that cost more than the last ones I bought for myself. As if this wasn’t bad enough, I was informed (quite seriously) they would have a useable life span of less than three months. She might consider painting her feet back and tying a shoelace around her ankles instead.
There was also a notable event in today’s poker.
I was contacted by a poker forum to take part in their monthly tournament. The site paid my entrance fee and put a bounty on my head of 88 Euros (what else?) to the person who knocked me out. Even though I lasted over an hour, I was nowhere near the money but stuck around till the end to chat to everyone and crack plenty of very questionable gags. I had a great time and with any luck the event will be repeated next month.
On my own quest for poker immortality, I managed to play a few rounds at a 5c/10c table and would have taken my personal bankroll down to virtually nothing if my newly found sponsor hadn’t deposited a few weeks worth of funding. I still lost $9.95 in record time though.
Reverting back to my earlier kitchen mishap, I thought it best to make a trip to the local store to replace the eggs that are currently rotting in the garden. The idea was that Mrs. Snowman would be none the wiser if half a dozen eggs were in the same place as they were when she left. Unfortunately, when I opened the door to get back in, the cat was coming the other way and I tripped over the little bugger and dropped them on the hall carpet.
I might finally be going mad but I could have sworn I heard it giggling when I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the mess.
Either that or it was eating my cookery from the flowerbed.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $71.86