Day 99
My Internet connection has stopped working again.
For those of you that read this diary on a daily basis, this won’t come as much of a surprise but it came as a big surprise to me when I was in the middle of trying to upload a file to the web site.
I will probably spend most of the night trying to solve the problem.
It’s a reflective statement on both modern society and my life when I feel completely incapacitated without prolonged access to the web. I feel like I’m missing a limb, although it did give me an opportunity to catch up on some chores that I’ve been putting off for a while.
I wasn’t bothered about the general cleaning duties, as Mrs. Snowman doesn’t have very high expectations from me in that department but when she made a suggestion that I get a haircut, her hopes were probably even lower.
It’s ironic that the untidiest female in history, badgers the balls off me to be as neat as a pole dancers pubes if we are to be seen together in public. I’m sure you’ve scoffed at mothers who use a handkerchief to wipe their child’s face in the middle of a crowded shopping mall or thrust a comb under their nose prior to walking through the school gates, well that’s the kind of thing that Mrs. Snowman does to me before we go into a bar or restaurant.
I consider I’m doing quite well if I manage to put my socks on the right way round.
As such, today she was good enough to write a list of potential hairdressers and leave them prominently on the bedside cabinet. After weighing the odds that she’d more than likely check up on me, I called the first two on the list to obtain a price.
Hairdressing is one of a host of jobs that receive very high rewards for doing something that is essentially very simple. I recalled one of those dreadful daytime television programs that compared three different hairdressers by letting them loose on some models in the studio: one of the most expensive in the country was up against a High Street salon employee and a young girl that drove to her clients in a beaten up old car and used a second-hand pair of scissors. All the judges were unanimous in their decision that the expensive one was the worst and the cheapest came out on top.
Anyway, I made the call and couldn’t believe my ears when they told me how much they expected me to fork out for a quick trim. I politely pointed out I didn’t want to buy the entire premises and maybe they’d misunderstood the question. The receptionist then said one of the most pretentious things I’ve ever heard:
“But Sir, our stylists are artists”
Oh yeah? Well next time I want my hair painted or moulded into a sculpture of Mount Rushmore I’ll give them a call.
I ended up washing it and tying it back in a short ponytail.
At least it’s tidy…temporarily.
As I was still unable to obtain Internet access, my poker bankroll has remained unchanged from yesterday’s sparkling win so I was forced to play the strip poker game that I’ve downloaded to my laptop.
I realize these things have a random number generation protocol that stacks the odds in the player’s favor but I still haven’t seen my virtual opponent without any clothes on. I’ve received plenty of e-mails from people who’ve completed the game and am told that she’s rather nice naked but unless I improve my game immeasurably I will have to take their word for it.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be in a position to offer you some positive poker news…virtual or otherwise.
There was a news report today concerning the homecoming of Prince Harry from fighting on the front line in Afghanistan. I wouldn’t usually consider this important enough for a mention in this diary but it did give me an idea that I’d like to propose to the central allied command in Kabul.
A few years ago when US forces were in the process of capturing Manual Noriega they used a psychological approach and bombarded his compound with rock music played through an extremely powerful p.a. system.
Working on this principle, there is an option that would terrify even the most determined combatant into submission.
Why don’t we carpet bomb the entire country with Spice Girls CD’s?
If I were a Taliban commander I’d surrender before the end of the first chorus.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $18.13
For those of you that read this diary on a daily basis, this won’t come as much of a surprise but it came as a big surprise to me when I was in the middle of trying to upload a file to the web site.
I will probably spend most of the night trying to solve the problem.
It’s a reflective statement on both modern society and my life when I feel completely incapacitated without prolonged access to the web. I feel like I’m missing a limb, although it did give me an opportunity to catch up on some chores that I’ve been putting off for a while.
I wasn’t bothered about the general cleaning duties, as Mrs. Snowman doesn’t have very high expectations from me in that department but when she made a suggestion that I get a haircut, her hopes were probably even lower.
It’s ironic that the untidiest female in history, badgers the balls off me to be as neat as a pole dancers pubes if we are to be seen together in public. I’m sure you’ve scoffed at mothers who use a handkerchief to wipe their child’s face in the middle of a crowded shopping mall or thrust a comb under their nose prior to walking through the school gates, well that’s the kind of thing that Mrs. Snowman does to me before we go into a bar or restaurant.
I consider I’m doing quite well if I manage to put my socks on the right way round.
As such, today she was good enough to write a list of potential hairdressers and leave them prominently on the bedside cabinet. After weighing the odds that she’d more than likely check up on me, I called the first two on the list to obtain a price.
Hairdressing is one of a host of jobs that receive very high rewards for doing something that is essentially very simple. I recalled one of those dreadful daytime television programs that compared three different hairdressers by letting them loose on some models in the studio: one of the most expensive in the country was up against a High Street salon employee and a young girl that drove to her clients in a beaten up old car and used a second-hand pair of scissors. All the judges were unanimous in their decision that the expensive one was the worst and the cheapest came out on top.
Anyway, I made the call and couldn’t believe my ears when they told me how much they expected me to fork out for a quick trim. I politely pointed out I didn’t want to buy the entire premises and maybe they’d misunderstood the question. The receptionist then said one of the most pretentious things I’ve ever heard:
“But Sir, our stylists are artists”
Oh yeah? Well next time I want my hair painted or moulded into a sculpture of Mount Rushmore I’ll give them a call.
I ended up washing it and tying it back in a short ponytail.
At least it’s tidy…temporarily.
As I was still unable to obtain Internet access, my poker bankroll has remained unchanged from yesterday’s sparkling win so I was forced to play the strip poker game that I’ve downloaded to my laptop.
I realize these things have a random number generation protocol that stacks the odds in the player’s favor but I still haven’t seen my virtual opponent without any clothes on. I’ve received plenty of e-mails from people who’ve completed the game and am told that she’s rather nice naked but unless I improve my game immeasurably I will have to take their word for it.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be in a position to offer you some positive poker news…virtual or otherwise.
There was a news report today concerning the homecoming of Prince Harry from fighting on the front line in Afghanistan. I wouldn’t usually consider this important enough for a mention in this diary but it did give me an idea that I’d like to propose to the central allied command in Kabul.
A few years ago when US forces were in the process of capturing Manual Noriega they used a psychological approach and bombarded his compound with rock music played through an extremely powerful p.a. system.
Working on this principle, there is an option that would terrify even the most determined combatant into submission.
Why don’t we carpet bomb the entire country with Spice Girls CD’s?
If I were a Taliban commander I’d surrender before the end of the first chorus.
Starting bank: $0
Current bank: $18.13